A Motivating Thought

Single in the City

2007-10-02T10:16:00.000-04:00

It's been incredibly interesting, going from being in a relationship of almost 10 years to being single in a city where everyone knows everyone elses business. Santa Fe isn't very big in general, but when the person you just broke up with is a native...well that becomes a unique situation in and of itself. I've had more people ask me how I'm doing, how Patrick is (if they don't know), ask my friends how I'm holding up...? People I don't even really know well have been giving me their condolences... and oh! isn't is such a shame that after so long our relationship ended...wtf?!? So, to clarify for anyone else who wants to read me the "poor, poor you" speech...
I am doing stupendously. Truly. I'm really doing well. I've signed a 9 month lease on an apartment that I LOVE! I've reconnected with my sisters and mom, which was something that was missing in my life. I've established relationships with people who are uplifting and fun. I've started planning for MY future, which is going to be incredible, the good and the bad. I've also started looking at men...really looking at them. Who they are and what they can offer. My sister told me a few months ago that there are two types of men in this world, those who are genuinely nice guys who try to be assholes every so often and those who are assholes who really try to be a nice guy when they can. I'm ready for a nice guy and I'm not willing to just blindly hop into a relationship with the first guy who shows interest.
So don't cry for me Santa Fe, the truth is, I'm free at last. Finally, I can be me again.

Happy Birthday...

2007-09-20T00:06:00.001-04:00

My dad's birthday was yesterday-he would have been 57 years old. In many ways, it passed and I hardly noticed it. But each time I had to write the date, each time someone asked what the date was, I remembered. It is somewhat bittersweet. He was my father, half of who I am is who he was at the very basic, genetic level. But he was so far removed that I never really recognized him, never really felt like I had anything in common with him. I have to say that is incredibly sad to say of one's father.
I looked back through this blog to a year ago. It is amazing how much changes in such a short period of time. A year ago, my dad was alive, I was just starting nursing school, Patrick and I were together, I was also still looking for a job and trying to figure out how to make ends meet. They tell you the only guarantee in life is change. It's amazing when you can really qualify that.
I found out today that all my tests were negative. When the doctor told me, I started crying, I was so relieved. It wasn't until that moment that I could really admit that I had been terrified. I'm very lucky that I only came out of this emotionally banged and bruised and not physically.
Friends are the cement that holds the pieces of you together. Male or female, they are so important. For me, here lately, it is so good having male friends. I say that because they, unlike female friends, for the simple fact that they have a penis can cheer you up by just telling you that you are gorgeous or that they would clean up your vomit...or they actually do clean up your vomit. I value my female friends, but I treasure my male friends.
I have found a roommate. One of my classmates is looking for a place to live and as it is so much cheaper for two people to rent together than seperately this works out very nicely. So now, we are on the prowl for a place. There are plenty to choose from, we just have to have the chance to go and look at them. I think next week we will have more than ample time, which works out well because I want to be out of here no later than the first. My poor bed is sitting in the store, just waiting for me to come get it. I need to go buy some bamboo sheets for it. Oh so soft! My own bed. Amazing how that statement illicits such a feeling of joy and independence. I can't wait to sleep on it.

What it really is all about...

2007-09-17T22:06:00.000-04:00

I have learned several very valuable lessons over the course of a very short period of time. The first, and perhaps more important one is to never, ever, ever change who you are for anyone. And I do mean, anyone. I changed who I was in order to make my relationship work. I changed how I argue, fight, play...all because the man I was with didn't respond to how I engaged in those things. I would be looking for a fight, passion, excitement, energy...and he would shut down. Disengage. Go underground. So, I changed tactics and in doing so, changed who I am. I allowed myself to be less than I am because a man needed me to be. Granted, I loved (still do love) that man and felt that our future and life together was worth a little self sacrifice. But that little bit, turned into more and more until I was someone I didn't recognize anymore and was miserable.

My second, very valuable lesson, is to always trust your instincts. They are there for a reason and unless you are psychotic (which I am not), you should always at the very least, listen to them. I had a gut feeling that Patrick had been cheating on me, at least emotionally in the beginning, and then the sex I'm sure came later. Particularly during the time that I was in California. When you come back and there are condoms missing, the bed has freshly washed sheets and has been remade "perfectly" that should be a very big red flag. Even more so, when he lies to you and tells you that he just spontaneously took the week off while you were out of town...I would have to say that that is an even more obvious warning sign. But I doubted myself and trusted Patrick.

My third lesson is that no matter what, I'm amazing and there is nothing wrong with me. For years Patrick kept trying to save me, help me, fix me. I kept looking for what needed to be fixed, never really getting an answer from various therapists who figured that because I was abused I must be fucked up. But the truth of the matter is that I'm an incredibly resilient and highly functioning individual. I don't need to be fixed, I don't need to be helped. I'm a good person and a strong woman.

What it really is all about dear reader is that my relationship ended because I expected more from my partner than he was able to deliver. I believe that he loved me...in some ways I'm sure that he still does. But I expected honesty, respect, loyalty, and passion. That isn't to say there never were those things in our relationship, but the bits and pieces he had weren't enough. And in the end all I got from Patrick was disloyalty, dishonesty, manipulation and a severe lack of respect. It took seeing him and this other woman on a date just the other night for me to really awaken to the realization that not only did he lie to me and cheat on me, but that there was absolutely no hope for us as a couple. Until that moment, I believed that we would eventually be able to work through everything, that I could forgive and forget and we would be able to move past this. And therein lies the rub. I'm sure that eventually, I can forgive Patrick, but the problem is that now I'm aware that he isn't strong enough for me.

The final lesson that I have learned is to know what you want and never settle for less. I want passion, excitement, laughter, and quiet joy. One day I will find that, but until then I'm happy focusing on comingling the person I was with the woman I am.

Movin Out

2007-09-13T23:29:00.000-04:00

I decided that I need to move out, I really thought that I could make it the next four months living here, under the same roof as Patrick. Feeling the way I do and trying to live under the same roof without passion, desire, playfulness, and joy are wearing me down, to the point where hurt and sadness are being replaced by bitterness and anger. I don't want to hate Patrick...I don't want to resent him. But if I stay here...I will.

So, I'm looking around Santa Fe, hoping that there will be something within my budget. I've looked at Albuquerque as well, but as many people have pointed out, I have a great support system here, I have a job here and the gas alone commuting would probably equal what I would pay in rent here. I've given myself a deadline of the first, and have really been trying to find something that will work. Part of me is really excited about the prospect of my own home. But, part of me is sad too-it is hard when things don't turn out as you were expecting. Everyone has offered to help me move, which is really great because with just ZoomZoom, it would take a lot of trips. Hillary even offered the use of the Suburban, which would be nice to move stuff from Albuquerque, but unfortunately it takes $100.00 to fill the tank... Maybe I can borrow Patrick's truck...or the little green truck.

I am excited about the new bed I bought. Gemma and I went to Denver Mattress and they were having a floor model clearance. I got a queen size pillow top mattress, box spring, and frame for $600.00. It is a floor model but the great thing about this model is that it has been covered the entire time it has been on the floor! They decorated it with sheets and pillows and for some reason that causes customers to stay away from it, so hardly anyone has lain on it. This is the first bed I've bought for myself. I bought Patrick's futon, he bought my futon... So I've never had to buy my own bed until now. It is so comfortable! I'm really looking forward to sleeping on it.

The last two weeks I wasn't really able to work out or train for the 5K. Between psych, clinicals in Las Vegas, work, and Gemma's visit, there really hasn't been any time. Today, I got back into the gym and it felt soooo terrific! I biked for 4 miles, ran a mile straight (no walking), and then caused Emma a great deal of grief by making her do some serious abdominal exercises. Then we went out to the tennis courts with Nic and Max, where they proceded to "teach" us how to play the game. Personally, I suck at it. It is just not the sport for me. Although Nic kept trying to give me tips and pointers, it didn't really help. I just have no talent for tennis. But it was fun running up and down the court chasing the tennis balls. Tomorrow I think we are going to swim. At least I am going to swim. I miss being in the water.

I signed up for the basic EKG class taking place in October. After taking that I can take the 12 lead class and I'm also planning on taking the ACLS class they offer in November. I figure, I may as well take it and get certified because I will either be in emergency or critical care, no med/surg for me! In fact, I'm considering my preceptorship already! It takes place the last 4 weeks of the fourth semester and the school will try to pair you up with a nurse, but I think I have two people in mind. One is a nurse who Lois met at the trauma conference, the other is the nurse who took care of my aunt while she was in CCU. I would love to precept with Lois, as I think she is one of the most incredible nurses I have ever met, but I don't really have an interest in the OR and as one of my classmates is very interested in working with her, I would rather they have that opportunity. I have her in my life and she has been an amazing teacher every day that I have known her.

Grateful for best friends...

2007-09-09T00:57:00.000-04:00

I am incredibly lucky. They say that if you have more than one true friend in your life, you are truly blessed. I happen to have two, incredible friends in my life. Two women who have been there for me through just about everything. I also have six very good friends who have supported me and been there for me through one of the worst times of my life.

Last week, I felt so...alone. Which is strange because I am constantly surrounded by really wonderful people, whom I know care about me. But none-the-less, I felt alone and lost. So I emailed Gemma and although I knew she had other, more pressing things to take care of before starting her career on the 10th, I asked her to please come out here for a quick visit-that at that moment, I really needed my best friend. For those who know me...you will understand that this is completely out of character for me and perhaps that will give you an idea as to how desperate I truly was. Her response was to send me her flight itinerary. She didn't ask what I needed, what was happening, or why I needed her at that particular moment. She just came.

She arrived Wednesday and left today. It was so wonderful to have her here, to just have someone around who has known me, really known me, for so many years that I don't have to really explain why I feel the way I do. To have her look at me and say, "we are going to get through this" meant so much to me.

Patrick liked to tell me that I needed to make friends. I have amazing friends. I have incredible people surrounding me every day, who care for me and support me...who love me. And at a time in my life, when I need them most, they are there.

Time Out...

2007-08-25T11:24:00.000-04:00

When I look back over the last 6 months, I realize that in life there are times when you need to be broken down to your lowest possible point, in order to be built back up. After three people dying, I now know that it was only through the things happening with Patrick and I that I could truly be brought to my lowest point. Where hopelessness and pain are daily companions and there are times that you don't really want to get out of bed because the idea of facing another day watching the last bits of your heart be ripped out is just unbearable. Knowing that Patrick was hiding things from me, lying to me, and being secretive were all contributing to this and were making me miserable. Watching him pull away physically and emotionally caused me to crawl inside what few defenses I had left and just try to breathe through the pain.

That pain finally came out on Wednesday. I was so angry. Angry at Patrick because the one person I had allowed in and had given my heart to, had betrayed me. I cried and cried so hard it was hard to breathe. Emma tried to soothe me but I hurt so much and was so angry that she couldn't. Patrick walked in then and when he tried to find out what was wrong I told him to leave me alone. I was so afraid that if I looked at him I would just loose it. At first he didn't leave and I kept telling him to leave me alone please, please leave me alone. He left and Lois came in to talk with me. Lois said that she has noticed that the majority of couples have a hard time at the 10 year mark. That night Patrick slept upstairs.

He slept upstairs the following night too. Yesterday one of his classmates asked if Patrick and I had broken up. To which I said no and asked where he had heard that. He said that he had heard it at the hospital but couldn't remember who exactly had said it. I asked Patrick about it and as we stood there outside the school, I watched this man whom I had loved for almost 10 years look at me with such anger and even disgust I couldn't do it anymore. I just couldn't stand to see him look at me that way. I asked him if he knew how angry I am at him. How absolutely livid I have been. Then I listed off his lying, being secretive, and deceptive. This isn't who we were...we were honest with eachother. We loved eachother. I asked him if he wanted to be with me. He didn't say yes or no, he just said that it has been so hard for him. With my family and the issues I haven't dealt with. He feels like he has carried me and now with graduation and "growing up" he doesn't feel like he can do it anymore. It doesn't help that we live with his mother and have no space of our own. I don't feel that Patrick has carried me. He has been supportive and caring, but he hasn't fought my battles for me. Unfortunately in every relationship you have to deal with the other person's family. That is what you get for loving someone. You work through it. It isn't fun, it isn't fair but it is what you do.

He said that we are compatable on so many levels, but that over the last two years we have changed and he doesn't know if with those changes we can work anymore. Two years, that we haven't had our own anything, that we have lived in a shoebox, that we have tried to make the best of the situation until we could have our own space, our things, our home. He said that he will always love me, and that I will always be his oldest and dearest friend, his best friend. I asked him what he wanted to do. He said he didn't know and asked what I wanted to do. I told him I wanted him to be happy and he said that he couldn't be happy knowing I was so sad. I am going to start therapy on Monday and hopefully get some things sorted out. But in dealing with us...I asked him if he wanted to keep trying. By trying I meant that he would move upstairs to his old bedroom and we would take it a day at a time. A break, or a time out for us. To truly give each of us the physical space and time we need and maybe, in doing that, allow us both to heal and maybe have a future together. He said he thought that was a good idea.

So now, Patrick sleeps upstairs and I stay down here in our bedroom. I admit, it is lonely and scary but right now, it is what each of us needs. A time out...and hopefully we will find eachother again.

Indian Market

2007-08-19T01:15:00.000-04:00

The last couple of days Josh and JoJo have been in town for Indian Market and it has been so good to see them. Friday I was able to hang out with JoJo and another artist Amy, while shopping downtown. It was insane trying to find parking downtown! It took me 45 minutes to find a spot. It wasn't too far from where we were shopping, but it wasn't the most convenient place either. Tonight we went to the gallery showing for Josh and Amy and then went to dinner at El Farol. Dinner was really good and the conversation was even better. It was a lot of fun-but I had a little more to drink than I should have. Tomorrow Josh, JoJo and Amy are coming over for breakfast before they have to be at the gallery. We aren't sure how much more time we will have to see them before they have to leave as this is such a busy time for them. We don't want to monopolize what free time they have, but it is so nice to see them.

Josh's new work includes three large bears that are called "The Conspirators". So far only two of the three are in clay molding, the third still needs to be started. But the sketches that Josh had available were really terrific. It looks like each is displaying various characteristics such as intelligence or pondering lifes mysteries, laughing, and curiosity. The three bears would look wonderful around a pond, or as Patrick pointed out, on the roof acting as gargoyles. Yes, gargoyles on the roof would be interesting. Since Herbie died, there hasn't been a constant presence to keep the elephants away. Maybe these bears would do the job...

The crack is going well. I found out that the pushy guide who had been helping me was Patrick. Go figure. I am finally starting to get the hang of this game and am actually enjoying it. Just in time to start school. Again...go figure.

I have done no preparation for school. Okay, so I have looked over the math a little, but nothing extraordinary. I read the articles for psych, but didn't really retain the material. I haven't assembled my notebooks yet. I am just a slight elevation above slacker right now. But, truthfully, I'm not really worried. Math isn't a problem for me, at least not anymore. The articles we will be discussing in class so the material will be refreshed. And my notebooks...eh. For the most part, I have enjoyed my summer vacation and as such I intend to enjoy this last day of it as well.

My little sister put a quote on her myspace page that I found interesting. "A wise woman kisses, but does not love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." Now I wonder, is that a wise woman or a cold one? Is there any real distinction between the two? Do we live in such a cynical society that a woman must guard her heart so thoroughly in order to avoid the pain of heartbreak? I have known love's joy and pain. Would I want to subject myself to that again? Absolutely. Because even with all the pain, and there can be copious amounts of it, there is still the joy that you experience. The way you light up when he walks in the room. The way he looks at you when he doesn't think you notice. The warmth of his hand taking yours. Watching him smile at you as he wakes up in the morning. Perhaps I will come to learn otherwise in the future, but I don't think I am ready to be a "wise woman".

The last few days of freedom

2007-08-16T15:05:00.000-04:00

School starts Monday. Part of me is really looking forward to it, while the other parts are almost dreading it. I really just want to get done with school and move forward in this profession. It is just the process of doing so that feels like it is taking forever.

Last night at work there was a code blue on the floor. A man had been given dilaudid and a few minutes later when the nurse went to check on him, he was in respiratory and cardiac arrest. I called the code and went in to help clear the room, while the nurses assembled the Ambu bag and gathered things from the crash cart. After we had cleared the room I asked if there was a pulse or respirations, and was told no. As the nurses got the Ambu bag on the patient I started compressions. The code team arrived and we were quickly replaced as they worked to get a pulse and to get him breathing. The whole situation took maybe 15 minutes from the time he was found to the time he was transported to CCU on a vent, and was fairly surreal. The general consensus was that he wouldn't last too much longer. He was probably septic, and had multi-organ failure. I think it is more a question not of if, but when.

Emma's and my workouts have changed slightly. Patrick has started working with Emma on a regular basis, which she finds painful but I think it has been good for her to see another perspective on training. She has affectionately dubbed us Satan and Satan Jr. Although when saying it, there isn't too much affection that goes into it. She tells me that although Patrick and I are slightly different in our approaches to working with her, we are both really good at being patient and pushing her when we know she has it in her but backing down when we know she needs it. I think Patrick is looking for affirmation that his work outs are better than mine, but since he never worked out with Emma and I before, he really doesn't have anything but Emma's response to gauge that by. Emma, thinks both of us are equally intense and pushy.

I have found...crack. Computer game crack that is. Patrick introduced me to WOW (World of Warcraft) and I am really enjoying it. There has been this character who has been helping me out along the way. He's been really helpful but is pretty pushy and at times kind of a sarcastic ass. While I appreciate his help some of his comments are really annoying and even condescending. Especially considering that I have never played this before and have no real experience in exploring games like this. At least not in recent history. I may just tell him to leave me alone if he keeps it up...I may die a lot more, but at least I won't have to put up with his attitude.

Speaking of...time to get my crack on.

Gemma & Josh's Wedding

2007-08-12T23:31:00.000-04:00

The wedding was really great. Gemma looked amazing. The gown she had made was a mandarin style, a soft (not garish) red that had butterflies all over the material and then on her back she had pinned 15 golden butterfly pins that fluttered when she moved. She looked soft and elegant, with just a touch of vulnerability.

Actually, everyone looked wonderful. Patrick told me I looked nice. Not exactly what I was going for, but... During the ceremony it was so incredibly hot and humid that sweat was dripping down my legs in streams. It was SO gross. I kept hoping for a breeze that never really came. But at least we weren't in the direct sun too much. The ceremony itself was very nice. I really liked the stories that each member of the bridal party told. I can say that Will's speech was the best. As it was his birthday he summed up with Gemma and Josh being they type to share every thing they have with their friends, including their wedding day. It was really terrific and he was the only one to receive applause from the crowd. Mine...well, I started off blubbering once I looked up at Gemma and Josh. It was down hill from there. I'm not sure what it was, exactly, that I said. I do remember I got a couple of laughs (thank god!). It happened so fast that I didn't really have time to think much about what I was saying once I was up there-I guess it wasn't too bad though because I had several people come up to me after the ceremony to tell me how moving and touching they thought what I said was. One lady, whom I had never met before, told me I moved her to tears. It was one big crying jag. Once I had finished and went to stand back over by Will and Pete, I turned to Will and asked him if I looked like a racoon (due to my sweating and inability to stop crying). Will looked at me and said simply, "Becca, you look absolutely gorgeous". It was so nice to hear that.

The reception went well and was a lot of fun. We laughed and danced (to some not so great music...I mean the DJ only had the country version of the Time Warp!!! The country version?!!? What kind of crap is that?). I got to see Monu, Daniel, and Mr. O'Mera as well as Mr. Tindal who insisted that I come out to NC and "do some theatre". I told him I would see if that couldn't be arranged. I even got Patrick to dance with me twice. I wish we had been able to get more pictures but I'm hoping that Gemma will post some on a website where we can purchase them if we like. I was sad that I didn't have the chance to say good-bye to Gemma before they left as we are leaving early in the morning and won't see them before hand. But that is the great thing about best friends, sometimes you don't have to say good bye.

Bachelorette Party

2007-08-12T01:36:00.000-04:00

Last night was Gemma's bachelorette party. Josh went with a group of guys, including Patrick, to Charlotte to a place called Dave & Busters - which is like a Chuck E Cheese for adults. For the ladies, ten of us went out for the evening, first stopping by Starbucks for sustanence (aka caffeine). We started out the evening at a comedy club in Greensboro, which was fun. The MC and opener were better than the headliner. Gemma, because she was the bachelorette, was brought onstage and given a blowjob shot. Which she did very well, no hands! After the comedy club we went to a friend's house where we had drinks and played "bachelorette games" - similar to reindeer games although more risquee. I ended up coming home with a penis straw... Our final event of the evening was to go to a line-dancing club where we danced and watched Karen ride a mechanical bull. We got back to Gemma and Josh's house around 230 and the guys got there at about 3. We were so exhausted that Patrick and I slept in until 1 pm today. Personally, I thought it was only around 9 am but with the heavy drapes pulled and the room being nice and cold it is easy to see why we slept so long.

The rehersal today went well, better than expected actually, and when we were done we all went to Golden Corral for the rehersal dinner. While the food wasn't great, the company and conversation was. I got to really talk with Will and Kristine and then Pete decided we were cool enough to come hang out with. For bridal party gifts, the guys received Nerf guns...not just any Nerf guns, but Super Nerf guns. Patrick appeared very impressed by this gift and truthfully, it was perfect for the group that was Josh's groomsmen. For the bridesmaids, we received a pearl necklace and matching stud earings from the Phillipines. They are absolutely gorgeous. Mine is a little tight (they are made for tiny little Filipino necks), but I figure with time it will loosen as I lose more weight.

After the rehersal dinner, Patrick and I went to see Stardust, a new fantastic movie that is very much in keeping with The Princess Bride tale. Very magical and entertaining. I absolutely loved it. Tomorrow is the wedding and I'm still trying to decide what to say for my "speech". Unfortunately, I don't have too much to say regarding Josh as I haven't been around for the majority of their relationship. It was suggested that I mention that Gemma is like herpes in that I just can't seem to get rid of her and that through all of high school she was tenacious enough to stick by me, even when I just wanted to be left alone. I figured that if I couldn't mention the slut story, herpes were definately out of the question.

Winston Salem

2007-08-10T00:57:00.001-04:00

We arrived yesterday in Raleigh-Durham and were immediately hit by a wall of heat and humidity. Of course we would arrive at the beginning of a heat wave on the eastern seaboard. But fortunately, we were able to navigate through the airport, get our rental car (assisted by a "wonderful" man named Mohammed) and after a delicious dinner at Cheesecake Factory, made our way to Winston Salem.

Our hotel is nice and in a convenient area, close to the highway. Today we had planned on going to Tanglewood, but with this heat and humidity, we actually stayed in the hotel as long as possible. Air conditioning is a must here and we have tried to take full advantage of it.

Tonight we went to Gemma and Josh's for an informal dinner where we met quite a few of their Wake friends. The rest we get to meet tomorrow at Kristine's pool party. It was good to see Kate, Will and Pete - as they are the only ones I really knew. Dinner was good and everyone was really nice. It was interesting being in the same room with so many lawyers after spending so much time with nurses/nursing students. Very different conversations, yet many of the same underlying concepts. Politics, academics, or job related issues or stories. After hearing some of the stories being passed around tonight, I know for certain that I made the right choice in not going to law school. I don't think it would suit me. I'm sure I would be brilliant at it, but I don't think I have the patience for it. I'm glad that the choice I made, to go into nursing, seems to be the right one for me. I'm hoping that over the course of the next year I will find my niche within the field, and from there be able to make some decisions about graduate programs.

Tomorrow we go to see Body Worlds before the party at Kristine's. While we are here to see my friends and celebrate their wedding, I wanted to make sure that Patrick and I do some things together-just us, so that this would be enjoyable for him as well. Since Tanglewood and Biltmore didn't work out I'm glad that we have Body Worlds available. I think we'll have a busy, but good day tomorrow.

Working through...

2007-08-06T21:07:00.000-04:00

Had an appointment with a counselor this morning. She thinks that couples counseling, an objective third party, would be the best move for us at this point. Until the issues we have are resolved or we have at least started working on them I'm not going to be able to focus on my own. I liked this woman, and think she will be able to help us.

PTSD is a strange thing. It seems to creep up on you and jump up and down on your brain rather than becoming something that you just learn to live with on a daily basis. You go along, thinking you are doing pretty well. Then some type of major stress occurs and all of a sudden you are falling apart. While you might normally be an eloquent, intelligent individual, when you are placed in these types of situations your communication skills fly out the window. Everything feels like it is caving in on you and you are struggling just to breathe. When more stress is introduced, you start to shut down or go into panic mode-which takes an incredible amount of energy.

Today I went to work out at the gym after my morning appointment. I went downstairs after a pretty rigorous work out and started working on the punching bag. I kept punching and punching, so hard that my knuckles were bright red and just about to split. I realized that I had started crying and with that realization I became so incredibly angry. Raging angry. To the point where I stopped punching the bag and started hitting it. Hard. Over and over, yelling and hitting until I couldn't anymore. Exhausted, I sat on the mat for a few minutes, letting it wash over me and then it was gone. As quickly as it came, it left and I felt clear headed, focused and...calm.

With this clarity I was able to really evaluate a few things in my life. I ran into someone today who upon looking at them more clearly, I realized that there is nothing in the world that would cause me to want to change places with them. Nothing. I also realized that I have a lot more courage and am a lot braver than I have ever given myself credit for. I think these things will help me through the next couple of months.

Wednesday, we leave for Gemma and Josh's wedding. Patrick has effectively taken up almost the entire suitcase so now he gets to carry the gift on the plane with him. I'm looking forward to this wedding. To reconnecting with people who meant so much to me. I'm also looking forward to meeting other people who have special meaning in Gemma's life. But most of all, I'm looking forward to having fun. Laughing and joking and having a good time.

Homecoming

2007-08-05T02:08:00.000-04:00

Leaving California was hard. For the first time in the last couple of months, I felt comfortable. It was okay to poke fun of myself and the people around me without anyone thinking it had a hidden meaning or agenda - my defenses have been on overdrive because it feels like nothing I say is correct-even joking. This has all been incredibly draining and I'm not sure how much more I have in me...

Today Patrick and I went to Mountainair for Katie and Lizza's combined potluck birthday party, which was supposed to start at 1. We got there at around noon thirty and saw the Shaffer Hotel (finally). Liz and her friends arrived around 1 and while waiting for the rest of the family to arrive, we blew up balloons outside and watched Grace (who is finally walking everywhere) chase after them and try to put the broken remnants in her mouth. My mom didn't arrive until about 2 and by 245 I was ready to eat. I demanded that we start even though Joanie and Mike weren't there. At that point we had been there long enough that I was done being polite. So we went inside, away from the flies, and had a nice lunch/dinner. That is, until after desert.

At this point Katie demands that we play the "Hate/Love" game, which I really don't want to play and should have immediately vetoed, but for whatever reason I didn't. So we start and Patrick, not wanting any part of it gets up and leaves to go read Harry Potter. I am the first to get to hear all about what everyone hates and loves about me...with Joanie going first. It was awful. My emotions are already stretched wire thin and then to hear all about how I "abused" Joanie and what a pretentious bitch I am (Liz's suggestion for Joanie to use). On top of which I am apparently a controlling, obsessive, yet focused individual. I cried. I couldn't stop it. I didn't have anything to retort with, didn't really know what to do other than try to dry my eyes. The game didn't really go on much longer. By that point, seeing that the game was more hurtful than helpful, most people lost interest. Unfortunately, I kept tearing up. My mom, who had left as well-not really liking what she was hearing, hugged me and told me that she was very proud of me, that she loves me, and that she still thinks I give the absolute best gifts of anyone she's ever known (said in an attempt to make me laugh-which of course just made me cry again). Funny, how mom's have a way of knowing just what you need to hear, when you need to hear it. Even more funny, is that my mom has finally accepted Patrick as my choice. Hysterical isn't it?

We leave for Gemma's wedding on Wednesday. I know what I need to say at the wedding, I just need to be able to say it, without crying. Yeah...good luck. I'm actually really excited for this wedding. I'm so very happy for Gemma. She is such a giving person and to see her accomplish everything that she has hoped and worked so hard for is wonderful. I think it will be a great time. But right now...I'm tired and ready to put this day behind me.

San Francisco

2007-08-03T03:29:00.000-04:00

Today started very early, around 7 am, when we left for the two hour trip to San Francisco. We drove to Dublin where we caught the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) which took us into the Bay Area. The first thing I noticed was that it was pretty cold once we arrived in Dublin. About 20 degrees cooler I would guess. The BART ride was uneventful, and relaxing because there weren't a lot of people on board.

Once we got to SF, we took a trolly car (the only moving historical landmarks) to Fisherman's Wharf and at once headed for Ghirardelli where we shared a sundae. This is apparently a pre-requisit for any trip to SF. After the sundae we were rejuvenated enough to start walking around. We went down to the pier area and explored a little and then caught the Hop On & Hop Off bus to explore the extent of the city more thoroughly. The first bus we caught, the tour guide was awful. So bad that Julie and I just kept making fun of her. Half the trip she was badmouthing the city, the other half she just didn't know what she was talking about. To be fair, she was in training, but personally we decided we would have fired her. We got off and wandered around union square where the really high end shops are located and where neither of us really found anything wonderful enough that it warranted us breaking the bank. So we got on another bus where the tour guide was knowledgeable, but sounded awful. We just couldn't catch a break! We got off in Chinatown in the hopes of located The Stinking Rose, which is a restaurant that Lois and Patrick had raved about. Of course, the directions that Patrick had given us weren't very helpful and when we tried calling him to see if he could offer more help, he didn't answer. So we waited for and got back on the bus, with the same awful first tour guide. And as we go through Little Italy, we pass The Stinking Rose. Of course.

We end up back at Fisherman's Wharf and get off at Pier 39 where we wander around in and out of the little shops. After a short while, we decided we were hungry and went to the #9 Fisherman's Grotto for the famous bread bowl clam chowder. Now, not having had wheat in quite a while, I was apprehensive about eating something that came in a breadbowl, but when in Rome... The bread was exquisit! Absolutely wonderful. I only ate a small amount, but what I did eat was really good, especailly with the clam chowder. I bought two loaves to bring back to Santa Fe with me.

After dinner, we decided to go on a harbor cruise. As we're standing in line, an employee asks if we were planning on paying in cash, we said yes and he waved a man over who was trying to get rid of some tickets that he and his family couldn't use. He offered them to us at half price so of course we couldn't turn them down! We got on the boat, froze half to death and had a great time listening to the narration about the history of the Bay Area, the Golden Gate Bridge, and Alcatraz as we circled around. We got lots of great pictures and have memories that will last. We are already talking about what we'll do the next time I'm in town.

Unfortunately, the day was starting to end and after a cup of Ghirardelli hot chocolate (because apparently we have to end as we began), we made our way back to the trolly and then onto BART and finally home.

All told, a truly awesome trip. Now, I am off to bed. Tomorrow it is back to reality and NM.

Julie & California

2007-07-31T12:23:00.000-04:00

I'm here and having a wonderful time. The flight was long but the company, ExpressJet, is really great. I was offered three different types of snacks, a meal (granted it was airline food but it was a meal none-the-less), and several times I was offered another drink. The flight crew were friendly and pleasant. It was, by far, one of the best flights I have been on in a long time.

Julie picked me up and we had dinner in Old Sac (the older part of downtown Sacramento) at Joe's Crab Shack. The crab was really good, which was surprising being that it is a chain. The atmosphere was fun, the staff danced to "Ain't Goin Down till the Sun Comes Up" and our server was engaging. I finally bought a "Bite Me" t-shirt and after dinner we walked around the area stopping in candy shops for free samples of salt water taffy.

Julie was anxious to hear about what has been happening with Patrick and I lately as I really didn't tell her much over email.
I am trying to be optimistic when it comes to us. He was, after all the one who said he wanted us to work at our relationship. That 10 years together are worth the effort. There are moments, usually brief ones but moments, when I see Patrick. The man who is kind, gentle, affectionate and passionate. I don't know where that man went, but seeing those glimpses of the man I love are what gives me hope and determination that we can get past this.

Julie was, for once, speechless. Which is an accompishment. She didn't really know what to say, only that she hates seeing me so sad and that he should take the stick out of his ass. She has been great about allowing me to work through this without giving me anger-induced advice. My sister told me to get the hell out. To run hard and fast because no man is worth this. Julie listens, hugs me and offers copious amounts of chocolate, and then we laugh.

If nothing else, this trip has been good for me in that it will allow me some distance and will (hopefully) allow some perspective as well. Both Julie and Andrew have been amazing. They have the type of relationship I envisioned Patrick and I would have once we had our own home. Each with their own space and jobs, but when they are together they are truly together-enjoying eachother's company and companionship. They are happy and it is brilliant to see. Best of all, they laugh and it is infectious. Which more than anything, I desperately need. I love to laugh and I have done so little of it lately.

Today I will hang around the house and watch movies or read. Tomorrow I'll go in with her and tour the city and troll for shoes. We are going to try for SF on Thursday, providing Julie doesn't get called in. Friday I leave, but not before stopping for a wine tasting. Julie says that the Zinfandel they have at this winery is terrific and the wine tasting is FREE!

Gearing up to go

2007-07-29T01:25:00.001-04:00

Monday I leave for California, and I'm very excited! I get to spend a whole week just relaxing and enjoying spending time with my friend. Then, in a quirky twist of irony, I get to go to the opposite side of the country to celebrate Gemma and Josh getting married. In a way, it is bittersweet for me considering the pain of the last couple of months. But, pain lets you know you are alive. There isn't anywhere I would rather be, than there with them as my best friend marries the man she loves. Funny how just two short years ago I was in California celebrating with Julie and Andrew as they got married.

Found out that the accident that totaled Liz's car wasn't her fault after all. That is why she wasn't cited. The insurance and police believe that it was fraud and are pursuing it from their end. Fortunately, that means Liz doesn't have to worry about losing her insurance. She seems to be doing well in the weeks since her divorce. She said that when Jason told her that he didn't love her, she knew there was nothing left of them. But to be fair, Jason is damaged. I though we (my family) had issues until I learned about some of the things involved in his family and life. I'm glad she got out before another child was brought into that situation, before she was drug deeper into it.

Katie seems to be doing better since her break down. She called and asked me to come for a visit. Next Saturday I am off and asked Patrick if he would go down there with me. Grudgingly, he agreed to go. Granted, Mountainair isn't the most glamorous place in the world...certainly not the most glamorous place in NM, but my sister would like us to visit her and to see Grace. I think we can take one Saturday out of our summer and visit her.

Mike is going to be a father. The baby is due sometime in February and no one in my family has met the woman. She refused to go to my mother's birthday BBQ at the last minute and has refused other invitations. This does not bode well for future encounters with our new niece or nephew.

Lois is having a marvelous time in Norway. She and Jean have seen some amazing countryside and have nothing but praise for the people they have met. The pictures she has sent are absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately, fish or some type of seafood is part of every meal, which pretty much takes Norway off the list of possible places to visit for Patrick.

The training is still going well. Running doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as it used to. It is getting easier and with the music I am able to find a rhythm and kind of zone out.

Patrick still loves the ED. He wants to work there after graduation and it sounds like he will be moving down to Albuquerque in January to "start his life". Have you ever wondered at change? How quickly it can happen...or how blindly we become to it when we don't like what we see? I have wondered a great deal about change the last couple of weeks. It is painful, hurtful, and sometimes all you want to do is curl up in a ball and wait for it to be over. But if change can take a caterpillar and turn it into something as beautiful as a butterfly, who is to say that it can't have the same effect on us?

Harry Potter

2007-07-24T01:18:00.000-04:00

I have just finished reading the last Harry Potter book. It was by far, the most magical and amazing story I have ever read. From the beginning to end, it allowed me to experience love, friendship, sacrifice, and honor in some of the truest ways possible. I feel fortunate that my generation was able to experience this spectacular story and I look forward to reading it to my children one day. Interesting, isn't it, that the love and joy of reading is reestablished by such a story.
In other news...
Patrick pulled a muscle in his back the other day lifting weights. He took yesterday off work and today walked around the track and sat in the hot tub at the school in an effort to soothe the knots and relax the muscle. Apparently I was being too "motherly" in my concern for him, which he found annoying, so I have backed off to let him deal with it as he feels works best for him. He is afterall, a grown man and can take care of himself.
Liz was in a car accident that totaled her car. She had some minor scraps and burns from the air bag, but assured me she was fine. Unfortunately, the accident was her fault. She had reached to answer her cell phone and rear ended the car in front of her. I'm sure that her insurance company will not be too happy about this, as it is her third accident (all of which have been her fault).
Got in 40 laps at the pool today, which is a new high for me. Usually I do about 25. Today though I wasn't tiring as quickly and I felt really good, so I kept going. I think that since Emma is out of town this week, I may just focus on swimming to build up my cardio. Then next week I am out of town, in CA, so I will try to get in some walking. It won't be the same since I will be at a lower elevation - and not knowing where the heck I am going in that area won't help much either. But the purpose of this trip is to get away and clear my head and exercise seems to really help with that - so a-walking I will go. It will be so good to see Julie again.
My shoes for Gemma's wedding still haven't arrived - which has me worried. I need to call them tomorrow to find out where the heck they are. Inevitably, I will call and they will arrive tomorrow afternoon.

California Bound

2007-07-18T22:30:00.000-04:00

I am off to California at the end of July to visit Julie and Andrew for a week. I wasn't sure, at first, that taking two trips back-to-back was a great idea. But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a great way to spend the last few weeks of the summer. A week with Julie and then 4 days after I get back Patrick and I are bound for NC for Gemma's wedding.
I'm really excited about this wedding now. I have a beautiful dress that I look "amazing" in and it is actually something I can wear again! I also found some great shoes that won't kill my feet (thankfully!). Now, all I have to do is fine tune what I am going to say at the wedding. I have a general idea, but I don't want to start crying...which is a distinct possibility.
I went with Lois the other day and bought a suitcase that will hold everything for this trip. It is large enough that it will hold my dress, the gift Lois is sending along with us, as well as Patrick's suit, and all the rest of my clothing. It should also come in handy when we go to Hadrian's Wall in May. While we will only be there a little over a week, I never know what I may find and want to bring back with us.
The training for the marathon is going well. Today we walked 3 miles outside. There is no doubt it is going to be a challenge, but one I grow more and more confident that we are up for. It has been interesting watching the changes in just the two short weeks that we have been seriously working towards this goal. My legs are toned, I have lost quite a bit of weight and I feel really good. I have an image in my head of what we will look and feel like when we are done with the marathon and it provides such motivation! But, the best part of this experience has been watching my friend go from feeling like she can't do this marathon, to her feeling confident in her ability to do it.

A New Form of Torture

2007-07-11T12:11:00.000-04:00

I have discovered...the rowing machine. Yesterday in the gym I ran (which is getting easier) and afterwards decided I needed to work on my back so of course I go to the one machine I haven't tried in about 6 years. The rower. It was brutal. I was only able to do 5 minutes and somehow, in that time was able to cause my back and upper arms enough grief that I decided to take a break today. It was a great work out but I am very sore in places that I'm usually not. I think I will be going back to it tomorrow.

We are planning a trip to Hadrian's Wall in May of 2008 (actually the day after I graduate from nursing school). There is a historical fiction novel based on the Wall during the Roman occupation of Britan that I had been trying to find to read. Unfortunately, the only copy was checked out at the library and it is not in print any longer. Fortunately, Patrick knew the guy who checked the book out and was able to borrow it from him so I could read it. It is a very interesting story so far, and I'm really enjoying it.

Our room is coming along...a little slower than I would like but at least most of the elements needed are ordered. I finally found a border to cover up the existing, flowery one. I also bought a beautifully framed mirror to cover the hole in our wall from an old speaker system. Of course I couldn't possibly patch the hole, that would make no sense what-so-ever. Finally, I went to the frame shop and asked if they could create a wooden valance from some of their moulding and although it was more expensive than a plain wooden one, it will add a lot of depth and character to the space. Even though I will only be living here for about another year, it feels so much more comfortable and relaxing now. I feel like I have a space that I have some control of. After living here for 2 years...I finally took the initiative and made it mine.

My dress for Gemma's wedding arrived. It is, in a word, perfect. I tried it on for Emma and Lois and they both loved it. I look elegant and beautiful in it and I can't wait to wear it. Which for me...is almost unheard of. I'm usually terrified of dresses and even more afraid of white dresses. But I really feel good in this dress. It is light enough that I shouldn't be sweating like a pig in heat (even in Winston Salem in August) and loose enough that I will be able to dance freely. Now I just need to even out my runner's tan.

Becca...the model?

2007-07-08T10:38:00.000-04:00

As I have previously mentioned, I had to have my hair fixed after the debacle at Master Cuts (where, incidentially, Patrick referred to me as a 12 year old boy - yeah...ouch!). Since having it fixed, however, I have had more compliments, whistles, and winks than I can ever remember.
Last night at work, several of the nurses said that I look like a model. Laughing it off at the time, I didn't really think about it again until this morning. It is amazing how just a simple haircut can change how people look at you...at how you look at yourself. You may do nothing more than stand up straighter, walk with your head held high and think that you are finally worth something and people really notice and respond to it...to you.
I have no aspirations of being a model, but it is nice to be likened to one. To see yourself as others see you. Beautiful and desirable.

Training begins...

2007-07-06T16:30:00.000-04:00

Although yesterday was our first official day of training for our 5K, it didn't go as planned. My friend and I completely missed each other in an attempt to meet up at the gym. Rather than waiting longer than I was I went for a warm-up lap around the school and by the time I had returned to the parking lot, she had left. While I would have preferred working out with her, I at least started.
I discovered a sadistic side to my personality today however, when we got together to work out. She wanted to play in the pool...and knowing this, I told her we weren't going anywhere near it. Instead, we took a warm up lap around the school and then I told her to get on the stationary bike and ride for thirty minutes. When I saw her choosing the easiest settings I told her that she needed to make it the Hill sequence and at least at level 5-which personally I think is a little too easy, but... I thought she might throw something at me. But for thirty minutes we both pounded through up and downhill cycling. I was dripping sweat but I felt so good. At the end of this, my friend was tired and ready to go home. I made her walk another lap and then drug her into the gym to work on stretching and abdominal exercises. She really didn't want to do that either. But we did it, her bemoaning the fact that she was going to be sore the next day. I taught her some good ab exercises and made her do 50 crunches...when she didn't want to do any. After almost 2 hours at the gym I feel that we definitely had made a good start to our training. Tomorrow I will be alone, she has to work, but I will still push myself. I just kind-of wish I had her to push too.

Yes, I really am going to do this

2007-07-04T22:00:00.000-04:00

I have decided to train for a 5K marathon in October. Originally, I wanted Patrick and I to do it together, but since he doesn't seem interested I have asked a friend if she would. We start training tomorrow. Truthfully, this started out as a means for Patrick and I to have something that we could do together. A goal to work towards, if you will. I haven't really run since soccer, but was willing to put in the effort. But, when he told me that he thought I was doing it just because he wanted to and didn't appear happy that I wanted to do something that would involve us spending some time together I almost gave up totally. Then, I decided to hell with that. I want to try. I want to have focus and a goal. I want to be fit and healthy. So, now I have 3 months to train for a 5K - just 3.1 miles. I'm really excited truth be told. I think it will be a challenge, but one that I am up for.

I'm also in the process of redecorating and reorganizing our room. I have removed a lot of crap, that doesn't belong in a bedroom. I've taken down a lot of pictures that are appropriate for a guest room...not a bedroom. I've also put up some photos of us which really gives the room a personal feeling. I finally feel comfortable sleeping in there...like it is actually mine. Although temporary, I am tired of feeling like I'm sleeping in a hotel room - that "never really unpacked" feeling. I think, when I'm done, it will look really great.

I ordered my dress for Gemma's wedding and I have to say, it looks amazing! I am really happy that I told Gemma I wasn't happy wearing someone else's wedding dress. It's very Grecian goddess and I will look lovely.

Spoke with Julie yesterday for about 2 hours on the phone. I miss her so much. Gemma too, but it is nice to have someone who knows both Patrick and I well enough to really listen to me about what I have been going through and feeling the last few weeks. She has demanded that I come out for a visit as soon as I can and that it would be good for me to get away. I have to agree. I am going to start looking at the calender to see if there is a time I can get away before school starts. She also firmly stated that CA has a high demand for nurses and that I should seriously consider moving out there once I have graduated. Which, I may actually look at as a possibility. She has offered up their guest bedroom as a place to stay until I was able to get a place of my own. We'll see. I still have a year to go before all is said and done.

Swimming is going very well and I'm looking forward to starting scuba diving lessons. I think it will be a great experience and another skill to add to my growing list.

I was telling a class mate about all the things I am planning and doing and she says, "And nursing school? When will you have time for that?". But finally, I feel fullfilled...like I am doing more than just watching and waiting for life to pass me by. I feel...good.

The New Adventures Begin

2007-06-28T07:51:00.001-04:00

I have had a great couple of days. I decided that I am not responsible for Patrick or anyone but myself. And I am not going to sit around and mope or be bored - it is a shitty way to live the rest of my life. So...
Monday, I spent a great day with my sisters. I bought these amazing rose-colored sunglasses that look great on me. I also bought some perfume. This is a huge step because I had never been able to find the exact perfume that I thought suited me. This one does. It is sassy, sweet, spicy and classy all rolled into one...if you can believe that. We went to Chili's for dinner and my sister, Kate, goes up to the hostess and tells her that we want a table in a section with a very hot server. Liz and I about dropped to the floor we laughed so hard. So the hostess tells us about the server in the bar, whom she thinks is just gorgeous. Kate looks at us and says, "We're sitting here". We sit down and a few minutes later the server comes over. Admittedly, he was pretty good looking. Kate looks at him and says, "Look, I know we aren't the most attractive group of women in here. But we have had a shitty day. (Pointing to Lizza) She just signed divorce papers this afternoon. (Pointing to me) Her boyfriend is being a shit-head. And I lied to my husband so I could hang out with them. So, if you could flirt with us, make us laugh that would go a long way towards you getting a really good tip". I thought Liz was going to fall out of her chair. I couldn't stop laughing and Kate just grinned as the server tried to figure out what the hell to do with us. It was great!
Tuesday Emma and I went to Albuquerque. She needed to see her chiropractor and I was hoping to find some red heels for Gemma's wedding. We had a lot of fun. I bought an orange purse, which is feminine and pretty. We bought hats to wear on our hike the next day and I started looking at paint and fixtures for the bedroom and bathroom. I didn't find my heels, but with me and shoes, it is always a long process to find just what I am looking for. I have been searching the internet, but I am always wary about how they may fit. The other thing I have come to realize is that apparently you have to be a hooker or an old lady to buy red heels. The shoes I have found aren't really classy looking or pretty. They look like you might want to wear them to the beach (canvass) or on a striper's pole (cork and patent leather). Ick.
Yesterday, Emma, a travel nurse - Audrey, and I went hiking in Tent Rock. It was absolutely incredible! The views and the formations were just amazing. The only down side was the flies that seemed to adore me. I need to remember to bring bug spray the next time I go. When we were coming back down from the mesa, we ran into two gentlemen (definitely from the south, but living in Albuquerque). These men looked like they were ready for the first of many MIs. Beet red, sweating profusely, out of breath, overweight and worst of all they had left their water with their wives! It was a recipe for disaster. Fortunately, Emma had packed extra water (thinking that for some reason I wouldn't pack any?!?!), but I had Patrick's CamelBak so we were able to give them the extra water and Audrey gave them some chocolate she had with her. I've never heard someone refer to me as an angel so many times in such a short period of time. Onward we went, and shortly after meeting the gentlemen, we met the first of two wives. The first was trying to get back down the path with a bottle of water in one hand and a Van Gogh umbrella in another (using it as a walking stick, of all things!). We helped her get back to her sister-in-law and by that point we were at the end of our hike. The bugs decided to stay in tent rock and we headed for home.
When we got back to Santa Fe, I went to Aveda to have them fix the debacle another place made of my hair by chopping it all off. The man who fixed it was a genius! He shaped and defined it so that as it grows out, it will grow into the cut I originally wanted. I look sassy, sexy, and fun and received more compliments than I thought possible. I went to work and received an ATO so I came home and went to dinner with some friends where we laughed so hard. It was a grand day.
Today I am having coffee with friends and then after going to the pool, will go to work this afternoon. But who knows what could happen between now and then?

The third funeral

2007-06-14T11:48:00.000-04:00

First my father. Then my aunt - who was another parent to us. Now my paternal grandmother. The three are done and hopefully we will go a long while until another person dies.
Our grandmother lived in Chicago and Katie, Stephanie, Grace and I were elected to attend the funeral as representatives from this side of the family. I didn't ask Patrick to go because I knew he couldn't, I just told him we were leaving for the funeral and I would see him when I got back.
Because it was such short notice, we had to decide whether we would pay the extra money to fly out of ABQ or drive to Chicago. I wasn't really up for driving 1300 miles with a baby in the car, so we decided to figure out a way to make this cheaper and faster. We found airfare flying out of Denver to Chicago that was very cheap and decided that a 6 hour drive to Denver was better than a 24 hour drive to Chicago.
The morning we were to leave for our flight out of Denver I decided to get an oil change and rotate my tires just to be safe. I take it to the place I usually go and am told that they can't rotate my tires because they are bald. To make the situation even more interesting, I needed a complete alignment - which was what caused my tires to go bald in the first place. The place that did my oil change didn't work with tires so I had to go home and call places that did, hoping that somewhere would have the size tires I needed and could put them on in a two hour period of time before we HAD to leave for Denver. Of course, only one place had all 4 tires in stock and could do an alignment, and of course, the tires were the most expensive and best quality tires on the market. Had it just been me driving, I would have waited and taken care of this when I got back from the funeral. But because I had two siblings and a baby in the car with me, I figured it was better to take care of it all then. I set up the appointment making sure they knew I had a deadline and as soon as I got off the phone with the tire place, my mother calls to tell me that she doesn't think that Stephanie's school photo ID will be enough for her to be able to get on the plane in Denver and that I need to go to the Division of Vital Records and get a copy of her birth certificate. Frustrated beyond belief at this point, I race over to get a copy of her birth certificate and then race accross town to have the tires changed, almost 45 minutes after I had told them I would be there. To their credit, they get my car in as quickly as possible and with me standing over them try to have the car done by noon. Katie, Stephanie and Grace get into town around 11 and I tell them the situation and that they should go eat lunch, I'll meet them at the house as soon as I'm done. The tires and alignment are completed by 1220 and I pay the exhorbitant amount of money (which had been discounted significantly from the original price I was quoted and was still enormous) and raced back home. Seneca dropped them off, put their suitcases in the car, they piled in and then we sped off for Denver. Because we didn't actually get out of town until 1245, when we had planned to leave at 1130, I knew I had to make up time on the highway. Pulling out the radar detector I raced up to Denver doing 95 to 100 mph.
We made it to Denver, barely. Of all the parking lots at the airport, only the one that happens to be the farthest away from the airport is open. We get to it and wait for the shuttle, which once it picks us up, takes 20 minutes to get to the terminal because the bus can only do 15 to 20 mph. I'm anxious, Grace is soaking wet and Katie and Stephanie look like they would gladly be anywhere but there. We get to the terminal at 710, our flight leaves at 740. We check in (they don't need Stephanie's birth certificate), convince them that we cannot carry our luggage on the plane with us and that it has to be checked and then run to security (where Katie is stopped because she forgot to take her lighter out and put it in her checked luggage), race to the train that will take us to the gate - by this time it is 725. The train takes us to the B gates and as we get out and run to our gate, I remember that I haven't eaten all day. As we pass by various food stands I hear my stomach kick into high gear and grumble. We get on the plane right at 730. Then, of course, we sit at the gate for 20 additional minutes.
When we finally get to Chicago, it is 1140. Our aunt picks us up. This is also the aunt who we will be staying with while we are in Chicago. This aunt lives in a "friend's" home as a roommate. Our aunt tells us that while we are staying at this woman's house, we can make no noise - the roommate is a light sleeper, Grace can't cry, the cat can't be let out of the house and can open doors, the house isn't baby proof and there are a lot of stairs, Stephanie is sleeping on a couch, Katie, Grace and I are taking our aunt's bed, while she sleeps on the cot downstairs. Oh, and by the way...the roommate comes into our aunt's room to do her makeup every morning. I figure, what the hell, it's only a couple of days, we can do this.
We get to the house, the roommate is sleeping. We go into the kitchen - floor creaking the whole way - and sit down to eat something. Grace cries because Katie gives her to Stephanie and the cat goes crazy. Katie trips over it and it starts chasing her around the kitchen biting her. The roommate wakes up and comes into the kitchen. We gather up our things and go to bed, but not before my aunt tells me that after we shower in the morning we need to squeegie the shower doors because the roommate doesn't like water spots. I go to bed.
The next morning, I hear my aunt come into the room to get her belongings for work. A short while later I hear the roommate come into the room to do her makeup. The next thing I know, the roommate is standing over me and tapping my head...hard. I wake up ready to kill the woman when she proceeds to tell me that she thinks the cat has gotten out of the house and would we please look for it. Personally I think "hang the cat", but not wanting to make the situation bad for my aunt, I nod and go back to sleep.
That night we rented a car and moved into a hotel.

Aloha

2007-03-22T14:51:00.000-04:00

Patrick surprised me with an early 30th birthday gift, that couldn't have come at a better time. Rather than going to Corpus Christi Texas for spring break, he took me to Hawaii. We have been here since Saturday and have been having a wonderful, relaxing time. Patrick's best friend Josh and his girlfriend JoJo, joined us here. It has been interesting watching another couple interact. It makes me grateful for the relationship I have with Patrick.
It amazes me that even after almost 10 years, he can still do things that surprise me.

Funeral Parade

2007-03-10T12:14:00.000-05:00

My dad died yesterday.
I got the call at 4 am and from there I spent the day in a blur. I had a test that I took although I couldn't really tell you much about the material that was on it. I left afterwards, not staying for class, and just wandered. I wandered through Target...not really having a specific need for being there. I wandered through the mall. At the time, it felt like I had a purpose, but in fact I don't really think I did. In the afternoon, I went down to Albuquerque and saw a movie and ate dinner. I was so tired by the time I got home that I don't remember falling asleep. I spent more time on the phone yesterday than I have ever in my life. I worried about my sisters. I talked with my dad's wife. I made arrangements to pick up my aunt. It was a day of things that I did. I didn't have to think about my father. I didn't have to think about a painful childhood or the joyful times, though few and far between. I just did what I needed to do, because that is what needed to be done.
Now, for the next week, I get to try to keep the funeral drama to a minimum and will hopefully be able to get through everything unscathed. I need to remember to tell Katie to keep my mother away from my dad's wife.

Approaching 30

2007-03-07T23:06:00.000-05:00

With March comes the realization that I will soon be 30 years old. Truthfully, it isn't as hard to accept as I thought it should be. Like many of the "landmark" birthdays, I think this one will come and go without undo pomp and circumstance. Allowing me to continue the blissful refusal to age I started when I turned 25.
My father is dying. I went to see him last night and as I look down at this man who terrified me for so many years I found that I couldn't even tell him I loved him. I couldn't say those words to him. I didn't know what to say. Part of me wishes that I could have had the display of emotions my younger sisters had. Because in the end he is still my father. But I had to really work hard to have any feelings as I watched him. I tell Patrick that I have pity for him. Pity that he never thought we were important or valuable enough to be a father to us. But I wonder about that. I wonder if that is really the truth or if I am only saying it because I feel that I have to say I feel something. My sister describes me as being locked behind this brick wall that I will only poke my head over every once in a while to allow people to see me. Then I quickly duck back behind it. Maybe she is right. Perhaps I have cut myself off so effectively that I can't tell a dying man that on some level I do love him. As you can tell from reading this I need copious amounts of therapy. Interesting that it took my reaching 30 to realize that I really am not okay afterall.

First Semester Thoughts

2006-12-13T13:47:00.000-05:00

My first semester of nursing school is finally over. It was a pretty brutal semester and apparently next semester will only be worse...especially with Pharmacology. But at least the end of next semester will mean the end of our first year. Thankfully.
For those who have never experienced nursing school, it is one of the more challenging things to be attempted. As American's we are taught to memorize and regurgitate. In nursing school, they don't want that...they want you to know, understand, and choose the "most right" way of answering or doing something. It can be very difficult at times to give them exactly what it is they are looking for. I think, in the end, it will be worthwhile and meaningful.

Moving Right Along

2006-09-13T09:48:00.000-04:00

The semester is going by rather quickly now. Next week we start our clinical rotations and I'm sure that will be an interesting experience. We have all been somewhat busy with the various tests and reading that not too many of my class have focused on how busy we will be once we don't have Monday and Wednesday free anymore. I tried to make that point yesterday with a few people in my class, but I don't know how successful I was.
I think I have accumulated a new friend. Her name is Emma and she is an incredibly nice woman. A fact that I need to keep in mind when talking with her. My sarcastic wit is at times I think hurtful to her - she isn't used to it. We have put together a study group with another woman and two of the three guys in our class. We'll see how it goes with that. Most of the time study groups break into social chattering...and not always once the work is done.
My Dad's birthday is on Monday. I haven't gotten anything for him because 1)we're sending him and Karen to California and 2) I'm making his birthday cake...which will be a feat in and of itself. He wants this monstrous concoction of two layers of chocolate cake with strawberries and cream filling and chocolate mousse frosting. To me, it sounds rather horrific, but it is what he would like.
Now. Knowing my father and his penchant for sweets and chocolate, and knowing that my siblings have similar tastes, I'm working on where I can cut a few corners on the sugar and fat content. Of course this is what I normally do, but it can be tricky with cakes. If you're not careful you can end up with a crater in the center, unlike with cookies where they are just a little poofier than you expected. To make it even more interesting, I need to make the cake big enough to feed an army. Fortunately for him, I don't have school on Monday during the day, so I can actually get this done. Otherwise, they were going to buy a cake which has a bunch of gross preservatives and who knows what else.
Patrick seems to be doing well with his second semester. He is busier than he was last semester with the amount of paperwork he has, but I think he is getting more out of it.
He is worried about me right now. I don't get paid a whole lot for the work I do and since I can only work two days a week, I'm pretty much killing myself while I do it. Unfortunately, I HAVE to work because of the debts I accrued during college and then subsequently afterwards (during the summer after Patrick got back, I didn't work, wanting to spend as much time with him as possible, and then our move to Michigan took my rather low debt amount to new heights). It's my debt, I take responsibility for it. But I need to keep on top of the payments so that my credit doesn't suck ass when we go to buy a house.
I have tried applying for other positions within the hospital with no success and was told by HR that the hiring manager had to actually review the applications. So, now I'm on the job hunt...again. I'm a little sick of job hunting honestly. It's not fun having to work at impressing people you normally wouldn't have anything to do with. BUT! If it will pay better while I'm in nursing school, that is what matters.
I'm playing fantasy football this season with some friends from high school. And true to form I suck at it. During week 1, I got 43 points. For those of you not experienced in the fantasy football lingo, this is not all that great.
Lois and I went to a Trauma Update Conference last week which was interesting for the most part. The legal issues topic was of particular interest to me, as was the talk on battlefield surgery by a doctor who served in Iraq. There was one talk on rectal injury which looked promising, but ended up being rather disappointing. UNMH hosted the conference and they also announced that Grand Rounds are offered every Friday during the academic year. The topics should be interesting if they are anything like last year. I sent out an email to my class to tell them about the opportunity, but I never heard back from any of them, so I guess they aren't all that interested. I can't say that I blame them, especially those of us living in Santa Fe, when the talks are only an hour long and they start at 7 am. But if the topic is worth it, I can't see that being a issue. Maybe that is the difference. I look for opportunities to explore extracurricular education and for the most part they are happy to just get through the semester. This is going to be an interesting two years.

Patrick's girlfriend

2006-08-24T20:40:00.000-04:00

The first week of class has actually been pretty easy. One of our instructors is in Ireland baptizing her new baby so we have only really had two classes this week, which has been nice. I'm trying to get a head start on things and it seems to be working out. Next week, I'm sure, will be more of a challenge. One thing I'm starting to notice is that everyone keeps referring to me as "Patrick's girlfriend". I guess that comes with being one semester behind him. I now know how Katie felt following after me in high school. I'm wondering, half the time, if the instructors know my name...
Gemma and I were able to talk for a while today and I found out that she and Josh can start planning their wedding. She was offered and has accepted a job offer once she has graduated law school. I'm so proud of her and all that she has accomplished.
My dad's still not doing too well. We don't know how much longer he has but every time I see him he looks less and less like he used to. He's so uncomfortable and now with the kidney failure, the toxins are building up in his system and are causing him to itch. The water blisters on his legs are breaking and we're worried about infection. He says that he wants to go to the coast and sit by the ocean to have some time for introspection before he dies. I'm waiting for Karen to recover from her surgery before I start pushing. He and Karen are going out to my mother's house tomorrow to tell my sisters and mother that he has been declared "terminal". I'm worried that this will turn ugly. I really don't want my sisters to turn into the ones that require the comforting from my dad. That would really piss me off. I guess we'll see what happens and go from there.

School? Didn't summer just start?

2006-08-14T16:28:00.000-04:00

I find it ironic that the first official day of fall doesn't come until late September and yet the "fall semester" begins in August. I officially start the nursing program next week, which means that this week is reserved for jumping through the hoops of orientation and a skills test that I am having slight performance anxiety over. I'm sure I'll be fine, particularly once it's over. Patrick tells me I have a great bedside manner...apparently that will take me far in this profession.
My position at the doctor's office here in town officially came to an end on Friday. Bittersweet though it was, it will be nice to only have one job for a while. Fortunately I learned a lot in my position there and those skills will serve me well in the years to come.
We recently had a garage sale and cleared out a lot of junk that we won't use and, in all honesty, don't need. Patrick's mom made over $800.00. Patrick and I made about $260.00, which is great because now we can use that money to pay for our storage shed for a couple of months.
We have been getting a lot of rain the last couple of months. Normally the NM rainy season is late July and August, but the amount we have been getting is ridiculous. It's rained more in the last three months than it normally does all year. Albuquerque actually flooded. And, in true New Mexican style, on the news this morning were two men in Albuquerque throwing bucket after bucket of rain water over their walled yard. A walled yard that had a wrought-iron gate, where a lot more water was coming through back into the yard. A perfect example of an exercise in futility. I guess, though, when you are faced with the unknown even the most inane action is at least action on your part to control the situation.
My grandmother came from Chicago to visit a couple of weeks ago. She is getting on in years my father wanted her to come out here to see her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Unfortunately, she has been having a hard time with her memory and is developing a "touch" of dementia, which makes her comments fairly interesting. She told my 14 year old sister that she is an excellent mother and that she has a handsome husband. She asked Patrick and I if, now that we are married when were we going to try to have children. When we told her we weren't married and that we haven't tried to have kids yet (school comes first), she said that was okay that we should just keep trying and it will happen. All in all, an entertaining visit.

And nearly a year later...

2006-06-16T01:03:00.000-04:00

So I am a bad little blogger. I have abandoned faithful readers to pursue a 4.0 GPA over the last year and as a result I have a lot of catching up to do.
To begin...
I officially start nursing school in the fall with an anticipated graduation date of May 2008. Yay me!
My sister got pregnant and had a little girl who is the apple of everyone's eyes. She really is a beautiful baby. Normally all babies look like monkeys, but she actually looked adorable. My two nephews (by another sister) are doing quite well and it is amazing to watch them grow up so fast.
I'm not speaking with my mother right now. She and I haven't actually spoken since January. For those of you who know the story why, you are the few people I let in enough to know that information. For the rest of you, suffice it to say that we had a strong difference of opinion. Needless to say, she is wrong and I'm waiting for my apology.
Patrick is doing well in nursing school. He finished his first semester and is excited for his second.
I've changed jobs a couple of times. I'm still working at the hospital but am working as a CNA. I've applied for a position with CSF and have an interview for Monday, but I'm not sure how that will go. I can't imagine that they would be too interested in an individual whose main priority would be school. Not that I blame them. They say that they are willing to work with me on scheduling, but nursing does pose a very demanding schedule. I honestly don't know if it would be fair to the school if they did hire me.
I have finally learned how to swim. Thank god.
I think that is about all the catching up I have right now. I'll try to be better about blogging but honestly, life tends to get in the way. Pesky thing that it is.

Where there's a will...

2005-07-23T22:18:00.000-04:00

I went to set up my will the other day. It won't be ready for another three weeks, but it was important that I have it established. The lawyer I met with was very nice, and very helpful. I would have liked to have waited until Gemma was done with law school, but that won't be for a couple of years and I kind of need this done sooner than that. So instead I made her a secondary beneficiary...I've been trying to reach her to let her know this, but our schedules have been conflicting and we haven't really had a chance to talk. All in all, I'm happy with what I have set up, but I hope I it doesn't have to be used any time in the near future. Patrick and I have set up a joint savings account. It is a little weird for me, just because I have never shared an account with someone before, but we figured this was the best way to start saving money as well as paying for our storage unit. This way, we have "our" money as well as having our individual accounts (which are kept private!). This should be interesting.
Patrick and I have pretty much completed our course work for the summer semester. We are in the middle of Basic Life Support right now which isn't too much fun when it goes from 8 am to 1 pm and then I get to go to work from 2:45 pm to 11:30 pm and start all over again bright and early the next day. Fortunately, it is only 2 days, so after tomorrow we'll be done. Course work for the fall begins on August 22nd, which gives us a nice little break. Just enough to get some light reading in.
Speaking of, I finished the 6th Harry Potter (amid school work and work) and REALLY enjoyed it. It was pretty sad, but I thought one of the better of the 6 books written. Patrick just finished it as well, and I have never seen him read a book so quickly.
All in all, not a bad way to end the summer.

Return to everyday "normal"

2005-07-09T13:34:00.000-04:00

Now that all three of us, Patrick, Lois and I are all working, things are slowly falling into a routine.
Work is...interesting. It isn't awful, it just isn't stimulating or challenging or even really intriguing. It is work, and it pays the bills, so I am grateful for that. I signed up for benefits yesterday and made Patrick my "beneficiary" in the event that something should happen to me. If he and I both croak, I made Gemma my beneficiary. I had better call and tell her that. I also found out that I can list Patrick as my "domestic partner" in November-first I have to draw up a will and we have to set up a joint back account, all of which we were planning on doing anyway. This is great because it will give Patrick insurance-including dental and it won't cost more than $120 a month for us both-much better than the $90 a month he is paying now for just himself.
I got an email from Leah, she and Brian are engaged and she is VERY happy. I don't know when the wedding is, but I'm sure we'll get that news as it is decided.
Patrick's best friend Josh and his girlfriend, JoJo are visiting this weekend. Josh had a showing yesterday and tomorrow they are driving back to Texas, just in time for Hurricane Dennis to meet them at the front door. This is the first time I have been able to meet JoJo, and she seems absolutely perfect for Josh. She seems to be very nice and they make a great couple from what I can tell and they both seem very happy. I'm just glad that Josh isn't dating another psycho.
Josh has come out with more art pieces and after seeing some of the pictures (I didn't get to go to the gallery, I had to work), I think there are a few that I want to buy. They will be back for Indian Market next month, so maybe I'll get to see some of the pieces then.
I'm gonna go broke.
Mom is in KY, Chicago, and Michigan this week. She and Ray went up there to see family and go to the O'Sullivan family reunion. I need to get another part of her birthday gift, as it is Wednesday and she won't be here for it, I figure I have a little time.

Job good...

2005-06-19T23:32:00.000-04:00

I am now officially and gainfully employed by St. Vincent's Hospital, here in Santa Fe. I start work tomorrow morning at 9 am. Now, while this is by no means my ideal job, it does pay well and the benefits are very nice. It will suit my schedule while I am in school and doing my clinicals and even better, my shifts will be scheduled during the time that Patrick will be at work too. Mary Karshis and Lois are both very excited about my working at the hospital and even Patrick is thinking of applying if Blue Corn doesn't work out well for him. All in all, not a bad situation.
Patrick and I went out to Rio Rancho to visit my dad for Father's Day today. He is doing so well on his liquid diet and has lost 27 lbs. in 3 weeks! I'm really proud of him and the fact that this has become a priority in his life. He and Lizza do water aerobics twice a week and he is really enjoying that. I think he is starting to be a little more optomistic now that he is feeling a lot better.
Patrick and I are still comfortable with our decision to stay here in Santa Fe, especially now that we have work and school going on. Today we took our first Medical Terminology test and we both got 100%. I'm really pushing to earn 4.0s each semester so that I don't have to worry about getting into a good program and grad school. I'm a little worried about A&P next semester, but I think with a little dedication, I'll be fine.
I joined the Curves gym here in Santa Fe and although it is nicer than the one in Ann Arbor, I don't like it as much. I think that after my membership is done in October, I will drop it and join a gym with more of a variety of facilities that will allow for a more thorough exercise routine.
I haven't spoken with Gemma in a while, I need to call her.
Julie is busy planning her wedding and it sounds as though things are going smoothly - Kelly is helping her and from what I can see so far, is doing a great job. I still need to figure out what to give them for their wedding.
Patrick is hinting that it is time to go to sleep.
Nite.

The semblence of a plan

2005-06-05T12:44:00.000-04:00

After a lot of run around and quite a bit of thought, Patrick and I have decided to stay in Santa Fe and get our ADNs at the community college here. We spoke with the advisors at UNM and quickly realized that getting into and then through the BSN program there could take up to 6 years, if not longer. We were advised that because we already have degrees, we should just get an associates degree in Nursing and then move on to get our master's degrees once we are done (which we now know is a possibility due to our already having earned a bachelor's degree). So, we have enrolled in the Community College here in Santa Fe, which has an excellent ADN program, and are staying with Lois for at least the time being. This will give us the chance to save some money (once we get jobs) while paying down our credit debt and going to school (also much cheaper than UNM). Since the ADN program is only 4 semesters long, we will be able to get jobs as nurses much sooner and will then be earning enough money to buy a house (probably in Albuquerque) and then enroll in a master's program while also getting experience in our career fields.
The job situation is a little stressful for me. I never heard back from my interview with SED Labs although it is probably just as well because with our decision to stay in Santa Fe made, it doesn't seem feesible to drive into Albuquerque every day for work. I have applied at several places here in Santa Fe and am trying to be patient about waiting to hear something, but patience was never my strong suit. But at least now we have a semblence of a plan that is moving in the direction we want to go. We have a roof over our heads and food to eat. All in all, not too bad for being home only 2 weeks.

Back in the Land of Enchantment

2005-05-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

Patrick and I arrived safely in New Mexico Sunday night. While we are happy to be back, it is taking a little adjustment on both our parts. The altitude alone is somewhat of a challenge, but with daily walks and bike rides we are getting the hang of it. We managed to unload the trailer and get everything into a storage unit in Rio Rancho. The one we originally reserved was in an awkward hallway and so we had to ask for an upgrade to something much larger (the only thing they had) and much more expensive. But the good news is that it is done and for now, at least, we are settled.
With the move and various other things going on in our lives, both Patrick and I have been somewhat frustrated and a little snappy with eachother. It isn't easy trying to start over while also trying to maintain a good relationship, but I think we are doing okay. Things seem to be getting easier and I think once we both have jobs everything will fall into place. We have decided to postpone our house hunting until we both are employed as we can't get approval for a loan until we have at least two paychecks anyway, we may as well concentrate on one thing at a time.
Tomorrow I am going out to Moriarty to visit with my family. Truthfully, I don't really like Moriarty, I don't like coming back from my mother's house smelling like I just got back from a club, I don't like feeling like I have to always justify everything I say and do. But, because they are my family and I do want to see them, I am going...and dragging Patrick with me, who I know, would much rather stay here. I guess all's not fair in love and war.
Patrick has started us both on a pretty rigid work out regimine that has me very sore today. I enjoy the walking, but not so much the toning exercises. All good for me, but I am not looking forward to it. Speaking of which, I need to go do my 100 crunches....ick.

Sonny

2005-05-13T00:21:00.000-04:00

My new nephew was born on Monday. 7 lbs, 9 ounces. Joanie named him, Salvatore Raymond Casalino, Sonny for short. When I asked why Salvatore, apparently it was for Sonny from the Godfather. I didn't know Joanie had ever seen the Godfather. Oh well. Apparently he is a beautiful baby, with blond hair and blue eyes. I say apparently because I have yet to receive any pictures of the latest addition to the family, despite that Jason was supposed to send them out on Wednesday. But I'm not bitter.
Patrick is in NM. He arrived safely yesterday evening and is happily enjoying his time home. Tomorrow is a rehersal dinner for the wedding and he will be going to that as well as checking out a few of the areas that we are looking at buying a home.
I'm enjoying the time alone to a certain extent. I have lounged around a lot because there isn't really anything to do at work and I can't pack too much more until next week, right before we leave. So, I lounge, watch television, and read books.
Monday I have my work evaluation. I think it will be fine. Not stellar, because I really didn't put any of my usual work ethic into this job. I didn't sign up for all their committees and jump through all their hoops because I don't believe in this work. I quickly became disenchanted with it once I got here. I did my job, no more, no less and I expect my evaluation to reflect that.
As I reflect back on the ten months I have spent here in Michigan, I realize that it hasn't been all bad. Coming here has been, if nothing else, so incredibly good for Patrick and I as a couple. After two years apart, we were able to reconnect and focus on our relationship...before deciding to move into a home together. I was also able to take a step back from my education for a semester (for the first time since I started in 1997) and I realized that while I was moving in the right direction with medicine, I really needed to pinpoint what it was I was working towards. Nursing, MD, DO, etc, were all things that I considered and it took that semester to really evaluate where I wanted my life to go. So while I can't stand the state of Michigan, I'm really glad that we came here.

The End

2005-05-09T11:34:00.000-04:00

The semester is over. Finally, I have been able to enjoy a little down time as well as some time with Patrick. The semester ended well for both of us, I got a 4.0 for the first time in my life and although we have both been sick for the last month, we are happy to have ended on a high note.
My birthday was fine. It was pretty much just another day, aside from taking off of work and going out for dessert with Patrick. 28 years old. 2 years from 30. Good grief.
We should find out this week if Patrick made it into the UNM Nursing School, but even if he doesn't, he will keep trying. If nothing else, he is persistent.
He leaves on Wednesday for Bingham's wedding in Albuquerque and will be back on Monday. Just in time for us to leave on that Saturday morning. We aren't really looking forward to the 24 hour drive, but will be glad to be heading home.
Patrick and I picked up our new couch and love seat this weekend. It looks amazing and was surprisingly, a lot heavier than either of us anticipated. While we are happy that it is made of good quality materials, we are a little concerned about moving it. We want to make sure that it fits in the trailer and that we will be able to get it home in one piece. We're a little more confident after getting it to Ann Arbor in one piece, but I think we'll be somewhat anxious until we put it in our living room.
I still haven't heard from TriCore or SED Labs regarding a job, which considering that I am trying to pay off as much of my credit card as possible before we buy a house; as well as pay for summer school tuition has me pretty anxious. Patrick has been very supportive and very confident that I will be okay, but I continue to worry, especially when it comes to finances. I'm sure everything will be fine, but until I have an actual job, I'm going to continue my anxiety tirade.
Joanie is having her second baby today. She has picked the name Raymond Salvatore Casalino, Sunny for short. I asked my mom if Joanie was firm on this name and she said that she was as much as she could be before seeing the baby. Apparently my mom had picked out a name for each of us and then when she saw us changed it. So who knows. I could call this evening and she'll have named him Robert.

Singing in my sleep...?

2005-04-18T14:35:00.000-04:00

The semester here in Ann Arbor is just about over and soon Patrick and I will be on our way back to the Land of Enchantment. I'm under no delusions that New Mexico is some great oasis in the desert, but I will definitely be very happy to be back where people seem a little more normal and I don't have to hear about social justice every time I go to a meeting.
We have reserved a trailer and I am nearly done packing up my apartment. It is amazing how much you accumulate over the course of 10 months. I think I have given away more than I brought to Michigan with me, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
Classes are going well as we are just about done with them. Final exams and projects and then we are free!...to go back to New Mexico and enroll in summer school. I have to take Anatomy and Physiology I and II this summer and it is going to be a real bitch considering that I will be commuting to and from Santa Fe to work and go to school until we buy our house.
Patrick is getting ready for his trip to NM in May (he is going to Bingham's wedding on May 14th and is taking some of our clothing home with him so we don't have so much). I have to stay here and finish packing because I didn't get cheap airfare in time. Yay me. But while he is gone I will have some time to myself and be able to relax and watch all the "girlie" movies he refuses to watch with me.
I spoke with my family this weekend and found out that Joanie now wants to name the baby, Raymond Crucificio Casalino (Cruz for short). Oh, and by the way, Crucificio is crucifixion in Italian. I give up. You don't name your child after a form of torture and death. It would be like naming a Jewish child Treblinka or Auschwitz. What happened to my siblings??? Well he hasn't been born yet, so maybe she will change her mind again. I hope. Because I won't be there for the birth, I asked Patrick to go in my stead, take some pictures and bring some flowers. He said he would which I am really grateful for. I know he is uncomfortable with going, but that he would do it anyway means a lot to me.
Apparently I now sing in my sleep. Patrick told me this morning that he was woken up at 3 am this morning to me singing in my sleep. He said I was smiling and I was loud enough to wake him up but he didn't remember what it was I was singing. He figured I was okay and went back to sleep. Strange. I don't remember what I was dreaming about, but I guess it was okay.

New Furniture

2005-03-28T13:32:00.000-05:00

Patrick and I are the proud new owners of a beautiful couch and loveseat as well as a new breakfast nook table and chairs. We went to a place (only found in the Midwest) called Value City Furniture and for everything we spent $1200.00. It may sound strange that we purchased our new furniture here in Michigan when we are leaving at the end of May to return to New Mexico, but after pricing the available furniture stores in Albuquerque, we decided that we would save money by buying it here and transporting it with us when we leave. We are looking at storing the furniture in Albuquerque until we move into our home around the end of August.
We are so excited about this, not only because it is not dorm or fraternity house furniture, but because we are buying it together, it will actually be "ours". Not his or mine, but something we will share. A little scary, but very exciting none the less.
Speaking of exciting, Julie and Andrew have finally set a wedding date. October 14th! I have been keeping an eye on airfare to make sure that I have enough time to get there and back without really biting into my budget. Fortunately, it is during Fall Break so I don't have to miss any class. Which is going pretty well thus far. I made a 99 on my last microbiology test, which is better than the 96 I got on the test before. I'm ready for the semester to be done though. I 'm going to try to take A&P I and II this summer, which will be very draining, but will be worth it if I can be done in time to apply for nursing school in the spring.
The weather is getting nicer here in Ann Arbor. It is about 55 today and sunny, which is a dramatic change from last week when it was snowing again. I keep telling Adam that I don't believe him that this is spring, I'm waiting for it to snow again later this week. I'm so tired of this place. But...we are almost home. Almost.

DC

2005-03-14T16:27:00.000-05:00

We had a great time in DC for Spring Break. It was a good drive down there, with only 17 cops on the highway between Ann Arbor and DC. Patrick drove us into the actual city and within the first 5 minutes we had our first "adventure". At a stop light we watched as a couple sauntered out into the middle of the street right in front of us-which was fine when the light was red. When the light turned green, the couple were still in front of us, not going any faster. Because Zoom Zoom is a standard (and still relatively new) you have to rev the engine a little before letting the clutch out completely. Well these people took this as an attack and started yelling at us. Patrick, getting increasingly frustrated with the fact that they weren't moving any faster (unless you count towards us) yelled for them to move. Which they did...towards us even faster, all the while yelling and screaming at us. I thought they were going to kick my car or break one of the windows. They finally got out of the way enough for us to go through the intersection, thankfully. We found the hotel with relative ease and found out that Lois still wasn't there. Apparently her shuttle took her on the grand tour of DC from the airport (which was all of maybe 3 or 5 miles away), and this took about 40 minutes. Once she got there, we went to our room and relaxed.
The whole vacation was pretty relaxing actually. Cold, but relaxing. We saw the Smithsonian, the Capital (although we couldn't go on a tour because there was something going on when we got there), the White House (which is smaller than I remember it), and the monuments, including the new WWII monument which was pretty impressive.
Gemma arrived early (2 am) Wednesday morning, and stayed until Thursday early afternoon. It was good to see her and I'm so glad that she was able to come.
Thursday, after Gemma and Lois left DC, Patrick and I explored the city a little bit, which was a lot of fun. We found this amazing place, called Teaism, which had the best ginger scones I have ever had. We bought a really nice unique tea pot for Lois as a thank you for the wonderful trip.
www.teaism.com
Patrick and I left early Saturday and enjoyed a pretty quiet drive back to Ann Arbor. All in all a very enjoyable week away.

Spring Break & Stinky Cheese

2005-02-25T11:19:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow we leave for Washington! I'm so excited to get out of Ann Arbor and can't wait for the day to be over. We're leaving at about 6 am so hopefully, tonight I'll actually get to bed early. Despite our trying to get to bed before midnight lately, it hasn't exactly been working out that way. I blame the TV. I think that Patrick and I need to turn the TV off a lot earlier and perhaps study or read instead of unwinding by watching Adult Swim or Emeril Live. I think that once we are home this will be a lot easier since there isn't a TV in our bedroom.
We stopped looking at homes for a while because, for me at least, it is making me antsy and aggravated that we can't just buy and move in right now. Besides, we have at least 5 or 6 more months before we can even seriously start shopping. I really want to get my credit card balance down before we try to get pre-approved for a loan amount. Last night I sent my mom the information on the home builders we are interested in so hopefully she can shed a little light on which would be better to seriously consider.
At the end of March I will start applying to a couple of places in Albuquerque that will hopefully pay a decent salary. My first choice is TriCore Labs, they are affiliated with UNM and offer educational benefits (yay!) and flexible schedules. Other than that, I haven't really looked at too many university administrative positions because I really don't want to be behind a desk all day. I'd rather stare into a microscope and learn something useful.
Joanie turned 21 this past weekend. Her pregnancy is apparently going well and according to her, she is "huge". I think every mother to be feels that way though. Tia's birthday is on Tuesday, with Stephanie's a month from today. At least they aren't all during the holiday season - I'd go broke. Speaking of birthdays, Stacey's birthday is on Tuesday as well so Adam and I got her a gift card to a movie theatre as well as a bouquet of flowers and a fruit tart from Whole Foods. Patrick and I went to Whole Foods to get the tart and flowers and as is our pattern we wandered around the store, sampling some of the cheeses that they put out for sampling. We get to one sample station and Patrick backs off because, apparently, it really stinks. I, of course, don't know this. A man that was there eating the cheese says that it is "really good" so Patrick hands me a piece of the cheese and I put it in my mouth. Patrick throws his away (but makes sure I don't see that he does this). As soon as I bite down on the cheese I start to gag. It is absolutely AWFUL! It tasted rancid and rotten and so I spit it out into my hand and go in search of a garbage. In order to get the taste out of my mouth I start picking my favorite olives out of the olive bar and I eat about 5 before the taste goes away. Patrick laughs hysterically as I am shoveling olives into my mouth. Then, to top it all off, I stink from the cheese. But the fun part was that I got to chase Patrick around the store demanding a kiss on my stinky cheese lips.

Hair cut irony

2005-02-13T14:15:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I decided that growing my hair out to donate was becoming a very challenging endeavor. One I didn't think I wanted to keep undertaking. My hair had grown to just past my shoulders and it was driving me nuts. Because it is so strait it doesn't really have any body to it. So my options were to just letting it hang (so it looked like a mop) or putting it up all the time (which could damage it - making donation impossible).
So, I decided to cut it.
I now have very, very short hair. Although my neck is a little cold, I'm very happy with the outcome.
The irony in this whole situation is that while I was having it cut, a woman next to me was there to have her hair cut off for donation. The student who was cutting her hair put it in pony tails to cut it when I told her that she needed to braid it. They asked how I knew that and I explained how I was planning to have my hair donated until it started driving me nuts. Patrick said that this ironic twist happened so that I would know that there are other people out there that are able and willing to donate their hair. Even though I am not.
I think I am just a short hair girl and will leave the hair donating to other people.

12 weeks

2005-02-03T14:10:00.000-05:00

Twelve weeks until we are free to go back to New Mexico. While, granted, I have learned a lot here I find that I'm ready to get away from the sense entitlement that plagues this campus. I just want to finish school and get into my career, I'm tired of babysitting these people.
I'm excited for May to get here also because I'm going to get scuba certified the weekend we leave to go back. Instead of going through Chicago we are going to go down to Lexington so that Ed (the same person that taught Patrick) can teach me. Afterwards, we'll just head for home. While it is exciting, it's a little scary because it is not exactly the safest thing in the world to do, but I think it will be worthwhile. It will be worth it if Patrick and I are able to scuba dive together the next time we are in Hawaii.
For the Super Bowl, I think Patrick and I are going to watch it at the FIJI house. Although I would be just as happy watching at my apartment, I think it would be fun with a big group of guys. That is, if they even want women around for it. It depends on if they are having a "brother hood" event for it or if it is open to girlfriends.
Class is moving along. We had our first tests this week and, while I don't have my grade yet, I think I did fine. I'm very proud of Patrick who got an A on his first pharmacology exam! Not the easiest subject matter and he did great.
Right now, in Microbiology, we are talking about genetics which is all review for me. After cell biology, I don't think it can be any more complex. Nutrition is, for lack of a better word, a cake walk. We are talking about really interesting things such as trans and cyst fats and exercise. Things that are pretty practical. Unfortunately, Patrick has a stringent academic teaching his class, so his isn't as interesting as mine is.
Family life seems to be moving right along. Apparently I owe some woman, who owned a video rental place in Moriarty, $100. The ironic thing is that I haven't rented from this woman in over seven years, not since we first moved to Moriarty from North Carolina! She called my mom and told her that she, Joanie, Mike, and I all own large amounts of money to her for late or never returned movies. She said she would call my mom back with a listing of the movies but still hasn't. She also didn't leave a number for my mom to contact her. She says that she will take us to court (over $100!!!) - which I find interesting because she hasn't sent us to collections. Personally, I'm not too worried. Because I can prove that I lived out of the city for the last seven years and for the majority of that time I didn't have a car that would allow me to travel to Moriarty to rent these movies and then never return them. I will, however, be livid if I find out that one of my siblings rented them under my name and then didn't return them. I still shouldn't be liable for the cost of them not being returned, but you never know.
We get to leave for DC in just three weeks! Gemma thinks that she will be able to come late on the 3rd and stay for that Friday and Saturday when we will leave. I'm really looking forward to getting out of here for a week.

A weekend in North Carolina

2005-01-26T13:57:00.000-05:00

This last weekend Patrick and I drove to North Carolina. We left Friday evening and came back on Monday afternoon. What prompted this fairly short trip, with the incredibly long drive? Katie's mother-in-law, Tammy, died Thursday after a long and painful fight with terminal cancer. I have known Tammy since I was 17. She was my boss at the movie theatre I worked at during high school, and I briefly dated her step-son (big mistake!). She was a very giving person and she loved her children a great deal. I went, not only because of the role she played in my life, but because I thought it was important to be there for Katie and Seneca. There was no funeral or service.
The trip, in and of itself, was uneventful. I will say that if I never drive through the Smokey Mountains again, it will be too soon. The roads were pretty icy and the truck-drivers drive like lunatics. Patrick and I tried to keep ourselves entertained on the 10 1/2 hour long drive, with books on tape, music, and general discussion about our future. When we arrived in Winston Salem we went out to Tammy's mother's house to see Katie and Seneca. It was a somewhat surreal experience. The majority of these people I hadn't seen in almost 10 years...some of them I could have stood to never see again. But, all in all, we survived and were able to spend some time with Katie and Seneca before the started packing to go back to New Mexico.
The up side of this journey was that I was able to visit, briefly, with Gemma and Josh. We stayed with them the one night we were in NC. They are both doing very well, and it was good to spend some time with them. Hopefully we will get another opportunity to see them before we leave Michigan during our week-long trip to DC in March. Our hope is that they will be able to come up to spend, at least, the last weekend with us. It will depend on Gemma's exam schedule.
My first exam of this semester is Monday, in Microbiology. I'm not worried-but I don't want to be too self-assured about this material, so this weekend will be spent studying. Yay.
Speaking of...time for class.

Hey Baby it's cold outside...

2005-01-17T11:42:00.000-05:00

As the title might suggest, it is absolutely freezing here. Just in Ann Arbor it is about 7 degrees F right now. That is without the wind chill of course. I guess we should count ourselves lucky, Chicago is -14. Now I know why we left the Midwest/east coast area. It is too damn cold here! I made the mistake of leaving a gallon of milk in Zoom Zoom last night and this morning, found it frozen. I had to put it in the refrigerator to thaw.
Because of this weather and the accompanying humidity, my knee has been swollen for almost two weeks. Earlier this week the temperatures went up to almost 50 and my knee was a lot better; the swelling went down, there was little to no pain, and I could walk normally. With this drop in temperature it has swollen again and I have to walk with a slight limp. Glucosamine Condrotin and ibuprophen have become part of my daily breakfast. Ick. Patrick wants me to have it looked at while we are here, as I probably need another surgery. I would rather wait until we are back in NM, where I know the doctors. But if I need another surgery, I really should get it done sooner rather than later.
Tomorrow I have to go to staff selection all day. This seems an awfully long and drawn out process with 25 other people, each of whom have their own input. There aren't too many people that I really think would make amazing RAs. I figure that we'll just go down the list. I won't be here next year anyway, so really, it is more about who Stacey and Adam want on staff.
This last week was, for me, spent on duty. Which isn't really a big deal unless you get paged. Which I did, several times. The most "interesting" one was from last night. It came in at about 10:30 pm from Oxford building (which is actually across the street from the FIJI house). A resident had cut her big toe at 1 pm yesterday afternoon. By 10:30 pm it hadn't stopped bleeding, so she decides to call the RA on duty to ask him what she should do. The RA, apparently not knowing either, calls me. I tell the RA to contact Housing Security to take her to Urgent Care and to write an IR. How do these people get into college, let along Michigan!?!?! I don't get it. If you are bleeding, and you don't stop bleeding for a half hour to an hour later, you go to Urgent Care. You don't wait almost 10 hours to notify someone that you need help! Bloody morons.
Lois' laptop came in this week and she is VERY happy with it. She had set up the entire house for wireless, which will be nice this summer when Patrick and I are home. We both have wireless cards in our computers so we won't all be waiting to use the desktop in the kitchen.
My family seems to be doing fine. Apparently Katie and Seneca are going back to NM on March 10th, which they seem to be very happy about. I think that it must be very difficult for them in that house with so many people.
I'm trying to pick up another class, online Growth and Development. Hopefully the instructor will contact me today or tomorrow to let me know if she will let me into the class. My two other classes are fine. The only thing I am debating about it whether or not to buy the Microbiology book, which our instructor says we don't need, but she then puts questions on the labs that specifically require the book. Choices, choices.

Classes begin

2005-01-12T13:37:00.000-05:00

I have to say that I am somewhat disappointed in the classes I have been to thus far. I think I expected that the material or at least the expectations of the instructors would be fairly challenging. I'm not finding that. I'm not saying that I would like to have more work than is necessary, I would just like to have a firm understanding and mastery of the material and I don't know if I will be getting that here. I'm told I should be patient and wait to see how I feel as the semester progresses, but I truly don't think that this will be a terribly challenging thing for me. In fact I have contemplated adding a third class to my schedule since I have the time and inclination to do so. I don't know what my schedule will be like when we are back in NM, so I should take advantage of the time I have here.
I think Patrick is enjoying his classes. He is taking pathophysiology and pharmacology on top of microbiology and nutrition. His schedule is more hectic than mine and he'll have more information thrown at him with those two classes, but it isn't anything he can't handle.
The switch of staffs that Adam and I did is working out okay. Not great, but then that wasn't the expectation. So far no major eruptions, just your basic "I'm a Michigan student and I have to question everything that comes out of your mouth" type responses. I tend to tell them that they have every right to question our motives and our decisions. But that they need to be aware that the likelihood of their questioning us will change anything is slim to none. They don't much care for that response. But I'm not here to make friends.
I took Adam, his girlfriend Em and Nate to the airport this morning at 5 am. They are going to Colorado for a week to "ski". Adam has been skiing only a handful of times and only in Michigan (which has hills in comparison to the Rockies). I told him I want to see pictures. I also forewarned him about sunburn and altitude sickness, so hopefully he will listen. I guess we'll find out when I pick them up at MIDNIGHT next Wednesday.
Time for class.

A weekend alone

2005-01-09T21:00:00.000-05:00

Patrick drove to St. Louis this weekend for Academy, a conference for FIJI. He left Thursday morning and I have been enjoying a weekend alone since. The majority of it was spent cleaning my apartment and watching movies. I went to see Phantom of the Opera again and enjoyed it this time as much as the first. Amazingly, seeing it on the stage didn't have as great an impact on me as the movie has. Perhaps it is because you can really see the emotion and feeling on the actor's faces more so in the movie. Or perhaps it is because with a movie there is a great deal more that can be done with the sets, etc. Either way, I almost went to see it again today, but restrained myself. Barely.
I got to speak with Gemma this weekend as well. She had left me a couple of messages over the break but because I never check my home voice mail, I didn't get them until yesterday. So I called her back and we were able to catch up. I also got to speak with Will and Pete, which was nice but a little strange. I haven't spoken with either of them since my last visit to NC, almost 2 years ago. It was kind of a struggle thinking of things to talk about. But they seem to be doing well. Will is in his last semester of law school and can't wait to get a job. Pete is still seeing "the once and future Jew" (as Gemma puts it) and they have a bet that if Pete takes off 25 pounds by spring break, she will pay for the vacation. If he doesn't then he has to pay. Interesting bet.
It still somewhat amazes me that all three of them are in law school. They will be perfect at it, no doubt.
Classes start tomorrow. I'm a little aggervated because I was waitlisted for my microbiology class and then got kicked off the waitlist. I go to re-register for the class and it comes up that I have to have instructor permission. This place is so frustrating. I emailed the instructor and advisor to see if they can take care of it before my class on Tuesday. Hopefully it will be cleared up by tomorrow.

A change of staff

2005-01-06T13:49:00.000-05:00

Because Adam's staff has been giving him such a hard time these days, we have been encouraged to switch staffs. So I have now inherited a group of people who probably don't want me for their supervisor any more than I want to be their supervisor. I guess we will see how this goes. I'm trying, as Adam is fond of telling me, to be optimistic but the realist in me is coming through. This is going to be a pain in the ass.

A Christmas Break (from Ann Arbor)

2005-01-05T10:39:00.000-05:00

Christmas break didn't exactly start off on the right foot. Patrick's and my flight home was scheduled for December 23rd at 5 pm. December 22nd it snowed about 6 or 7 inches. Thinking that I would never get out of this god-forsaken state, I guess you could say I went a little manic. I was shaking and dizzy. I wanted to leave for the airport 4 hours early because I was afraid that the traffic would be so bad we would miss our flight. Fortunately, Patrick was able to calm me down a little bit and we made it to the airport in one piece. Our flight leaving Detroit was only delayed about 45 minutes- and I was starting to feel hopeful that we wouldn't spend Christmas in an airport. We arrived in Dallas thinking that we would have to sprint to the gate to make our connection. It turned out that our flight in Dallas had been delayed an hour. So we settle down to wait. We didn't get on the bloody plane until almost five hours later. The plane we were supposed to be on was late and then the crew we were supposed to have was late. Everyone was late. Finally, we arrive in Albuquerque at 12:30 am (NM time). When, wonder of wonders, they lose our luggage. We had packed one bag for both of us and it had all our clothing and a couple of gifts for Patrick's mom and my dad. No one knew where our bag was, but they assured us that it was probably on a later flight from Dallas and would be in to Albuquerque on the flight arriving at 2 am. We decided to leave and have them deliver it to us. We go to Frontier because both Patrick and I are starving on top of being really angry about the bag and the delays. With full tummies, we head up to Santa Fe and go to bed.
Christmas Eve morning I wake up-only to put the same, dirty clothing back on. We call the airline and still no bag. I decide to go to Target to get some t-shirts, socks, underwear, toiletries and a pair of really comfortable flannel lounging pants (which Patrick hates). I got home and took the best shower in the world.
We saw my dad, siblings and nephew on Christmas Eve and had a nice dinner. Scott is still the cutest baby ever! He has big brown eyes and the longest eyelashes I have ever seen. Joanie's pregnancy seems to be going well. The baby is due May 16th, but we think she will have a caesarian on the 10th. She has finally settled on a name for the baby boy - Oliver Michael Casalino. Oli for short. Enough said.
Christmas morning at around 2:30 am, our bag was finally delivered. Maybe Santa really does exist. In keeping with the Christmas spirit, Patrick left a bag of cookies for the delivery person, which I am sure they appreciated. We spent Christmas morning with Patrick's family and Christmas afternoon/evening with mine. My mom has been really helpful in helping us look for a home in Albuquerque. We actually spent a majority of our time in Moriarty looking at MLS listings. We found two that we liked enough to go look at, but didn't like the area they were in - the student ghetto. Now we are looking at the Petroglyph area of Albuquerque, at some new developments that are being built out there. If you go to this link: http://www.longfordhomes.com/albuquerque/sundoro/index.html
you will see the area we want to build our home. The one I love is the 335, but our budget will really determine what we can afford.
The rest of our break went by very fast. We saw Phantom of the Opera and Meet the Fockers, both of which we enjoyed a great deal. We ate. A lot. And I didn't exercise at all. Ick.
We also planned a trip to DC for Spring Break. Lois wants to go to the new Native American museum and we are meeting her there for a couple of days before we head down to NC to see Katie and Gemma.
Neither Patrick or I wanted to get back on that plane to come back to Ann Arbor. But we did. More's the pity. Work has been uneventful for me, but Adam has had to deal with some of his staff being a bit prickish. Oh hell, a lot prickish. I am just looking forward to the day I can pack up my apartment and get the hell out of here. Five months never felt so long. But! School starts on Monday, so hopefully that will encourage the semester to go by faster. Microbiology here I come!

Hard Liquor Joke (from Maxim magazine)

2004-12-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

A woman and her friend are talking over dinner one evening. The woman says to her friend,
"I have started to name my ex-boyfriends after soda. One boyfriend I call 7-Up, because he was seven inches and was always able to get it up. Another I call Mountain Dew, because when he got to the mountain, he always knew what to do".
"And the third...?" asked the friend.
"I call him Jack Daniels" she replies.
"That's not soda, that's hard liquor!"
"Yep."

Chinese Food & Transiberian Orchestra

2004-12-19T17:13:00.000-05:00

For Patrick's birthday (which is actually tomorrow) I decided to take him to dinner at the Capital Grille (our favorite restaurant in Michigan) and to the Transiberian Orchestra as a means of celebration. I made reservations for dinner at 5:30 on Friday and the concert was at 8:30. We decided to leave Ann Arbor for the 45-minute drive to Troy, MI at 4 pm, thinking that this would be enough time to get there, even with rush hour traffic. How wrong we were. We didn't reach the restaurant until 6:30. Our table given away, and no hope of getting another one in time to be able to leave for the concert, we went to the mall that the Capital Grill is located in, in hope of finding something to eat. All the restaurants had an hour to an hour and a half wait. So we went up to the food court and found a semi decent Chinese food place. We sat down in the food court, Patrick in his suit and I dressed up as nicely as I can be (let's face it, this is me we're talking about), and we ate our Chinese food. I felt pretty bad, although it wasn't my fault that we missed the reservation, because this was the first time in two years that Patrick and I were really able to celebrate his birthday together. Patrick kept saying that he was just happy to be with me to celebrate his birthday instead of out on the road or in some FIJI house.
We finish dinner and leave the mall to get to the Palace at Auburn Hills (the place where the Piston's play and where the "Basketbrawl" happened). We arrive just in time and pay $15.00 for parking. $15.00 freaking dollars to park!!! We were outraged. Disney Land doesn't even charge that much! We go in and find our seats on the floor. The concert starts and at first I am pretty happy with the music I hear. But then random people start singing random songs that are set to classic Christmas carols. I tried to enjoy it, but I was expecting one thing and we were hearing another. I was expecting something similar to Manheim Steamroller type music, and there were elements of that orchestral type of music in the set, but I was irritated with the other music they were playing. About 45 minutes into the show a very drunk couple came in and plopped down next to Patrick. They were loud and obnoxious and at one point Patrick was ready to kill them-those of you who know Patrick, know I'm not kidding. They left at the end of the first set, which was about an hour later, and Patrick told them "thank you" for leaving. After this hour and 45 minute first half of the show, my hips were killing me and Patrick was fed up with the little drunk idiots and the guy on stage yelling at us about the band. I asked Patrick if we could leave. I knew I couldn't sit through another half of the show and I really didn't want to fight traffic on our hour-long drive back to Ann Arbor. I think he was ready to go too. We got back to Ann Arbor at about 11. We snuggled on the futon/couch, ate our messy caramel apples (I got chocolate all over the place), and watched TV. It was a much better end to a not so great evening. But at least we were together.
Yesterday (Saturday), I made reservations for the Capital Grille for tomorrow (Patrick's birthday). We are going to leave at noon and explore the mall before dinner at 5:45. We ARE NOT going to miss our reservation this time. Damn it.

"Oh".

2004-12-17T10:49:00.000-05:00

By this time next week, I will be relaxing at my Dad's house, listening to my siblings bicker about who is meaner to whom, and enjoying the fact that I'm home. I can't wait! I'm looking forward to being in familiar surroundings where I'm not constantly cold (I can't seem to get warm here because of the humidity) and where people say "please" and "thank you".
We still can't get over the rudeness of the people here. I confronted one of the cafeteria cashiers recently because all year I have said thank you to her whenever she scans my card. She doesn't look at me, doesn't even acknowledge that I exist when I say it. It's been a major bone of contention for me, not because she ignores me, but because the simple act of saying "thank you" is so completely lost on her. You would think that saying "you're welcome" to someone who thanks you would be ingrained into her head as a normal part of societal niceties. Apparently not. So, one day a week or so ago, I had had enough. I was tired of saying "thank you" and not receiving the affirming response I felt I deserved (call me selfish). I handed this woman my card, she scanned it and handed it back to me (all without ever looking at me once) and I said "thank you". Again, no response. So I stop, instead of my usual moving on to gather tray and silverware, and say to her,
"Typically, it is common courtesy to say 'you're welcome', when someone thanks you". At this point, she looks at me as though she had never seen me before and starts to get rather flustered and looks a little angry. I'm actually pretty happy about this because I know now that she is human, which up until that point I had been unsure of. So I'm waiting for her response, which as we all know, Michigan students all have an opinion about something, so this would have to be good...right? She says "oh", and goes right back to scanning cards of the people coming in behind me.
That was it. No verbal sparring, no righteous indignation, nothing. I was a little disappointed, but in retrospect, what else could she say? Other than "sorry" which I don't think would have been honest, I guess that the only thing she could say to me was "oh".
I have noticed that since this happened, she has been better about saying "thanks" when I hand her my card and "your welcome" when I say thank you. Progress? Maybe. Not wanting to be called out again on her rudeness? More probable. But I'll take what I can get.

A week of reflection

2004-12-12T13:04:00.000-05:00

This week, and particularly this weekend, Patrick and I have been doing a lot of contemplation about where to go from here. Out current situation is that I am in a job I hate that I can only work in for another year. Patrick's position with the fraternity only pays him $250 a month but provides him room and board. Unfortunately, neither of our jobs pay us enough to go to afford Michigan at out of state rates (it would amount to $100,000 for three years, for each of us). The cost of living here is awful. It is really expensive-with apartments costing anywhere from $900 to $1500 a month. Since Patrick didn't get into the second career program, which would only take a year, we have found ourselves revaluating our situation here in Ann Arbor. We've started talking about moving back to Albuquerque to finish our undergraduate program at UNM (a lot cheaper and a fine education) and then when we are done, move to wherever we want for a masters degree. This would work a lot better for us because we will have a more marketable skill and will be able to work while getting our masters degrees.
We are also talking about buying a house. We figured an apartment would be more costly in the long run. We would probably be in Albuquerque for at least 3 to 5 years and when we leave to finish our masters we can rent the house out or sell it.
We still have a lot of things to work out and a final decision to make, but I think we are on the right track. Hopefully we will have a final decision by the beginning of the new year.

A rather disappointing weekend

2004-12-06T10:41:00.000-05:00

So the weekend started off pretty good. My progress at Curves was positive, Patrick and I had gone to see Closer and we both thought it was a very well done (although sad) movie. It was just a very relaxing beginning.
Friday night, we spoke to Patrick's mom Lois, and found out that their cat had just died. Herbi was 22 1/2 years old and was a significant part of the family. She was Lois' alarm clock and she kept the elephants away from the house. I guess it was kind of expected that Herbi would live forever. She never slowed down in her activity level and was always keeping Lois on her toes. It was pretty hard on both Patrick and Lois.
Saturday night, Patrick got his letter from Michigan saying that he was not accepted to the second career nursing program. He says that he kind of knew that he wasn't going to be, but it was extremely disappointing anyway. He is going to apply as a transfer sophomore for Umich's Nursing school and see what happens. He's also applying to UNM and UofA's sophomore transfer programs. I guess a bit more waiting is in store.

Curves Weigh In & weekend plans

2004-12-04T10:25:00.000-05:00

Today I got my Curves report card. I didn't do too badly, total loss of 5 pounds and 11.25 inches. I lost 1.5 inches on my bust, 1.25 on my waist, 1.5 on my hips, 5 on my thighs, and 2 on my arms. My BMI went down by 0.60% and I lost 3.5 pounds of body fat alone. All in all, not too bad for my first month. I got a sticker and a lot of affirmation which was nice too. Patrick is great about this whole thing and is so very supportive. We put my report card on the fridge as part of an incentive for me to continue to do well.
We're pretty excited about our weekend plans. Today we are going to make gingerbread houses and walk around down town to finish up some Christmas shopping. We're almost done and want to get finished as soon as possible so we can send this stuff home.
All in all a good start to the weekend.

Back at work

2004-11-30T13:50:00.000-05:00

So I'm back in the office and I already miss the lazy days of the Thanksgiving break. Fortunately, we only have a little less than three weeks until we can go home. I'm really looking forward to a hot tortilla burger with red chile from Blue Corn and guacamole that actually tastes like it should. Yum!
I got a few graduation announcements this last week from two of the RAs I supervised last year. It's hard to believe how quickly time flies by. Congratulations Buddah & Holly!
Patrick called UNM yesterday and found out that he wasn't accepted to the second career nursing program (there were 16 spots and 250 applicants), but that he does have the option to enter the nursing program as a "sophomore". The good thing about this would be that because he already has a degree he can head right into his nursing classes and clinicals-bypassing a lot of the classes that they require but that he probably already has.
Still no word from U of M.
Tomorrow the Leadership Team (all of the Hall Directors and Associate Hall Directors) are meeting for a pot luck and gift wrapping session. I would love to bring Julie's "world famous" cookies, but I don't have an oven (damn U of M). So I thought I would make some guacamole and bring that. But...there are about 30 people on the LT and I don't want to go broke buying avocados. So I have no idea. Nate, Adam and I are going to the store and hopefully I'll be inspired.

Thanksgiving I'm almost done with Christmas shopping...

2004-11-28T17:31:00.000-05:00

This Thanksgiving break, Patrick and I had a very relaxing time for the most part. We laid around and watched movies or TV. We had a wonderful meal at The Gandy Dancer, which so happens to be converted from a train station. We had a window seat next to the tracks and two trains went by while we were there. It was pretty neat to watch. We both got the traditional turkey dinner and we both left the candied yams on our plates to stare back at us. I was able to talk with my family and wish them a happy Thanksgiving. I was also able to talk with Gemma (who was studying) and Julie (who was driving home from her new job in California).
Yesterday and today Patrick and I decided to try to get as much Christmas shopping done as possible. With my family (huge) and Patrick's family (smaller, but still sizeable) we have a lot to take care of. In the next few weeks Patrick will be busy with exams and I will be busy with interviews and helping to close up this bloody building so all the little blighters can go home; so we figured we should get a lot of our shopping out of the way. Granted, at times it was a frustrating endeavor, trying to get through the throngs of idiots out with their unruly children (IN STROLLERS!! the worst invention ever). But, fortunately for us, we were able to get a good deal of it done. A majority of it we are having shipped to NM, so that we aren't trying to take it on the plane with us, but a few of the lighter things we shouldn't have a problem taking home on the 23rd.
We will hopefully find out this week if Patrick has been admitted to U of M for nursing. He is also going to call UNM this week to find out what the hell is going on with them, because they still haven't told him one way or another if he has been accepted to their program.
Hopefully some good news in the next week.

Dissection & an amazing whining fest - you have been warned

2004-11-22T13:56:00.000-05:00

Patrick and I had the opportunity to go to the medical school here to look at several cadavers in various stages of dissection, as part of his A & P class. We went on Friday night after dinner. We bought some vapo rub to cover the smell, but were surprised that we didn't need it. The rooms were well ventilated and so the smell wasn't too bad.
The U of M med school has changed their way of teaching Gross Anatomy so that the students focus on systems rather than regions of the body to study at one time. They were focusing on the cardiovascular system and so we were able to look at the lungs and heart as they were pretty much the only things really exposed.
After observing some of these cadavers, most of whom had died with cancer or emphysema, I will say this - if you smoke, quit. Looking at these lungs you would have thought that they had just been severely burned. It was really sad.
We were able to pick up the hearts and lungs to examine them a little more thoroughly, which was interesting. There was one cadaver that had had breast implants that had been removed and were just sitting on the dissecting table. I picked it up and was surprised that it felt the way it did. Smooth is probably the best way to describe it. It was pretty incredible.
One of the instructors from the A & P classes started cutting on one of the cadavers to show the students the testicles and cut the tip of the penis off in order to show how the blood infuses the tissues to cause it to become erect. She also cut out one of the eyes to show the optic nerve and how thick it is. It was all pretty amazing stuff.
Sunday Patrick got fed up with my squinting at the television and computer so he dragged me (kicking and screaming) to the optometrist. Because I hadn't had my eyes examined since I was about 12, I figured I should get all the testing done that is possible. So they tested for glaucoma, field distance test, peripheral vision test, and they dilated my eyes (which was an interesting experience). It turns out that I'm a little near sighted. Bloody hell. I have to wear glasses when I am working on the computer (all day at work), watching TV, or driving at night. Yay. So Patrick helps me to pick out frames for my new glasses (if he weren't there I might have bought some frames that make me look like my mother - no offense Mom) and he drives me home and since I can't drive anywhere, he takes Zoom Zoom home with him. It was a somewhat depressing day to tell you the truth. I had had "perfect" vision, and that is now shot to hell. Damn it.
To add insult to injury, my knee (the one I had surgery on in 1997) has decided that it is now the perfect time to cause me pain. People here think that it is because of the weather. Yet another reason to hate this place. So I am doing all I can to ease the pain (mostly because Patrick is shoving ibuprophen down my throat). Today I went to buy a knee brace and some Icy Hot and am sitting in my office with a heating pad on my knee.
Hey, you can't say I didn't warn you that this posting was almost all about me whining. =0)
On a positive note (there has to be at least one more to end with!). Patrick and I have a place to have Thanksgiving dinner at! We had hoped to go back to The Capital Grille, but they are closed. So we made reservations at a place here in Ann Arbor called The Gandy Dancer, which is supposed to be very good. Yay for Thanksgiving break!
Another good note to end on- Gemma got a job with a firm that will pay her excellent money and will hopefully allow her and Josh to get married! Yay!!!

A Capital Weekend...

2004-11-16T17:08:00.000-05:00

Dinner at the Capital Grill this weekend was amazing! I had an amazing piece of salmon and Patrick had a really flavorful dry aged porterhouse steak. Patrick had told the restaurant that we were celebrating our anniversary and so at the end of our meal they brought us two deserts - a creme brulee and a very rich chocolate espresso flourless cake. I had never had a "good " creme brulee and so I was willing to let Patrick have both deserts (I don't like espresso/coffee cakes). But he encouraged me to try the creme brulee and I loved it! It was more like a pudding than the very gross egg like nastiness I was expecting (bad experience with flan - ick). So he ate the espresso chocolate cake and I ate the creme brulee and we went home very full with left overs! The entire dinner was very reasonably priced as well as delicious. I think we are planning on going back for Thanksgiving (if they are open) and if not, we want to go back again soon. It was really wonderful food!
The rest of the weekend was uneventful and relaxing, which is good because I have nearly lost all my brain cells in the process of all these interviews. I was right about yesterday (Monday) sucking. It was awful. I was litterally at work for 13 hours straight without a break for lunch or dinner. Today hasn't been too awful. I didn't have to be here until 1 pm. So it was nice to get some rest and relax with Patrick this morning. I have my last interview of the day in about 10 minutes. Yay! The rest of these bloody things are spread out over the next three weeks, so it won't be too bad.
Katie left NM today to go out to NC to be with Seneca. He has been there for a little over a month with his family. His mom (Tammy) is still not doing very well. As Katie put it, they are making her well enough to die. From what Katie said, they will be there until March so I won't get to see her for Christmas. I'm going to see if I can possibly go down to NC to visit Gemma (surprise!) and Katie at some point next semester - if I can get the time off of school.
Curves is going well. I feel a lot better and I'm seeing some improvements - although small. I've only been there about three weeks so that is something at least!
Those of you that know me well, know that I HATE milk. I don't drink the stuff and I even go so far as to buy soy milk to use on cereal. Well, wonder of wonders, lately I have been mixing skim milk with chocolate milk to drink in the cafeteria. I can't get enough of the stuff. Even now, I hate the thought of drinking it, but I crave it. No, I am NOT pregnant. Trust me. I'm not. It just strikes me as very odd.
Well, time to sit through another fun interview of "I want to be a RA because my old RA sucked and I think I can do a much better job...". Yay.

RA Interviewing

2004-11-12T14:21:00.000-05:00

We are getting ready to start interviewing RA candidates next week. For those of you reading this who know anything about the Res Life system, typically staff selection takes place in the spring. Not so at Michigan. Applications were due Wednesday (410 applications were accepted for roughly 170 spots), screening interviews begin on Monday and then "In Building" interviews will begin the third week in December extending on through the first two weeks in January. Selection takes place on MLK Day and those cadidates who are sucessful are notified and they then register for staff class (Psych 405) for the Winter semester (what most places call the Spring semester).
Each Associate Hall Director and Hall Director had to sign up for 20 screening interviews (which is not a big deal after having to do about 30 at UNM). Unfortunately, because of the way the campus is designed - there is a Central Campus (where I am at and where EVERYONE and their mother wants to live), Hill Area, and North Campus (which is about 2 miles from the main campus)- all the HD/AHDs (there are only 9 of us) on Central Campus got all of their time slots filled. The Hill and North Campus HD/AHDs got as few as 3 and as many as 15. It gets better...
The trick to screening interviews is, that if I am interviewing someone, I can't score their application (they score the essays and recommendation letters)-either Adam or Stacey have to. So, I have to get the applicant's file, give it to Adam, have him read the application and the 5 (yes, five) essays the applicant wrote and he then has to score them on a scale of 1 - 5. Adam is giving me his files and Stacey is giving hers to him. It's ring-around the applicant files!
Once the screening interviews are done we, as a Building Team (Stacey, Adam, and I) have to decide who we want to interview for South Quad staff. Ick.
Adam didn't know he was going to a conference on Monday and Tuesday and told the selection committee that he was free all day, both days. So he got ten interviews scheduled for two days that he won't even be here! Fortunately, Stacey was able to pick up two and I was able to take six. He only has to get two more covered. This should be interesting...
Needless to say, Monday is going to kind of suck for me. I have six interviews and then a staff meeting that night. Tuesday will be better though. I only have five interviews and there aren't any major meetings that day.
Is it Thanksgiving yet??

Ready to be Done

2004-11-11T11:01:00.000-05:00

Things have been somewhat slow the last few days. I'm really looking forward to going to The Capital Grill tomorrow for (our anniversary) dinner and to the town of Frankenmuth on Saturday. I only recently found out about Frankenmuth from Adam and, as a Christmas fanatic, I'm pretty excited to go. An entire town that is dedicated to Christmas sounds almost too good to be true. Around this time of year it is supposed to be incredible to visit. They have lights, decorations, and ornaments from all over and it should be pretty amazing.
Tomorrow I am going to Washtenaw to get any holds removed so that I can take the classes I need next semester. I'm very excited to be taking classes next semester. I didn't think I would miss it, but I do. This is the first time in years that I have taken a semester off from class and I'm feeling like I don't know what to do with myself. I'm hoping when I am actually "done" I won't miss being in the classroom. Of course, by then I think I will have other things to worry about and occupy my time.
I'm also very ready to be done with this semester because I am not enjoying it. I tell myself that with classes and definately knowing where we (Patrick and I) will be living and going to school, things will be better. I really hope I'm not wrong.

Happy Anniversary!

2004-11-07T19:32:00.000-05:00

Our anniversary on Friday was uneventful, but that isn't always a bad thing. We did go see The Incredibles (which was a pretty awesome movie by the way). Afterwards, Patrick dropped me off at a bar with Nate, Adam and a few other AHDs while Patrick went to take care of some things for the fraternity chartering (you know-the thing I had to get dressed up for). I was out until about 1:30 am at a piano bar in Ypsilanti and didn't get home until 2:30. Which means that I was pretty tired for my hair appointment on Saturday. Because I didn't have a ball gown for the chartering (I was in a very pretty, elegant, formal pantsuit instead, and I was a hell of a lot more comfortable!) I wanted to have a formal updo. So I go to have my hair done Saturday morning. I made a firm decision that morning. When I get married, I will have short hair that will not require any type of updo. They had more bobby pins, hairspray, and hair paste in my hair than I have ever seen in my life. They made sure that my hair wasn't going anywhere but it hurt beyond belief.
The chartering went very well. It was nice to see what all Patrick's hard work had gone towards. He did a great job and I was very proud of him. I finally understand why he is a FIJI and what that means to him.
At the end of the night we went home and he took all the pins out of my hair and after I washed the shalack out he massaged my head, which was VERY sore, and then brushed my hair. He almost put me to sleep.
Seven years and he still manages to amaze me.

McDonalds sucks

2004-11-04T13:54:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went back to the outlet mall where I had found the skirt I wanted to buy for the chartering on Saturday night. I tried on the skirt and hated it. I looked awful and worse, I felt like crap in it. I put the bloody thing on when I looked in the mirror, I felt fake. I didn't feel like me. Normally, when you dress up, you aren't supposed to feel like yourself it's true. You are supposed to feel like a more glamorous rendition of who you are. That is the way I felt when I wore one of my grandmother's gowns to a FIJI formal during undergrad. I didn't get that feeling when I put this skirt on. I felt dowdy and frumpy and like I was swimming in material. So, I took the skirt off, hung it up and left. Feeling, honestly, like a failure. What is wrong with me that I can't find a decent gown for a formal gathering? Something that is simple, understated, elegant and doesn't make me feel like crap when I wear it. I decide that I am going to find a simple skirt or pants here in Ann Arbor. Patrick said he doesn't care what I wear, a burlap sack would be fine with him, so long as I am happy in it. Although, he did say I can't wear any Bosnian refugee clothing (for those of you who don't understand-this means that I cannot wear any clothing that is so large that I can fit a family of Bosnian refugees in it with me). Damn.
So, I leave the mall and realize that I am starving. The only thing on the way out of the city is a McDonalds so I stop and get a grilled chicked sandwich without mayonnaise. It was AWFUL. I choked it down on the way home because I there was nothing else until Ann Arbor (an hour away). I get back and later on that night my stomach is not so happy. It doesn't like the chicken sandwich either. Patrick tells me I am running a fever even though I am cold. I don't sleep very well and this morning I woke up with a headache. My stomach calmed down but I called in to work for the morning because I am not going to play "race for the porceline god" the office edition.
Tomorrow I am taking the day off to go with Patrick to see The Incredibles (yay!) for our anniversary.

Cedar Point & fluffy cotton candy sweaters

2004-10-31T19:59:00.000-05:00

I forgot that I made plans with Patrick for Saturday-we were planning to go to Cedar Point Amusement Park in Sandusky, OH (about a 2 hour drive from Ann Arbor). Cedar Point is a huge amusement park that has been rated the "best" seven years in a row. Patrick has been dying to go for the last two years, but never had the chance. So we made plans to go for the Halloweekend theme. Of course, I don't put this in my Palm Pilot (yes, I finally succumbed to technology) and so I forget that we made these plans. Bad Becca. Because I forgot about this, when Nate and Adam invite Patrick and I to the Michigan vs. MSU tailgate (extremely big rivalry game) they are throwing, I say sure. Keep in mind that neither Patrick or I had tickets to the game. I see Patrick and tell him about the tailgate I have committed us to and the look on his face reminds me of a little kid who had his favorite toy taken away and then had to watch as it was crushed into tiny bits. He reminds me that I promised him we would go to Cedar Point. I feel like an ass for breaking my promise, and promptly back out of the tailgate.
So, we go to Cedar Point yesterday. And it was a lot of fun. We got there at about 1 pm and left at about 11 pm. It was REALLY windy, and so a few of the rides were closed down for a time, but we rode the majority of what we wanted to. It is large enough that you really need more than a day to ride all the rides and see everything. We were so exhausted when we got back at 2 am that we went right to bed and didn't wake up until 10 am (keep in mind that this is also the morning after the time change, so really it was 11 am when we got up this morning).
Today, I went in search of formal attire. Unfortunately, I got a little desperate when I couldn't find anything that would not look awful on me and I bought a pink fuzzy sweater. At the time it made sense that it would work well with a black formal skirt. Granted, I looked like I was wrapped in cotton candy when I had it on, but at the time, I had just spent 4 hours looking for something decent (something that didn't look like it belonged on a beach, in the bedroom, or on a Las Vegas showgirl). Well, I brought this pink fuzzy concoction home and tried it on for Patrick who was not too impressed. I should have dragged him out with me in the first place. So tomorrow the pink cotton candy sweater goes back to the store. Did I mention I hate trying to find formal wear?

Realizing your big booty-ness

2004-10-26T18:23:00.000-04:00

After realizing that I hate going to the Pilates class here at UM, I decided to take (yet another) tip from Gemma and try a place called Curves. I went there tonight for a free trial week. The price for Curves is actually a lot better than what they charge at the rec building here on campus.
Curves is a 30 minutes work out in which you move around a circuit of alternating resistence machines and recovery stations-optimally you go three times a week, but more if you feel the need. They help you monitor your progress and are very encouraging of your successes (there is a wall of "big losers").
The music was...interesting (at times hip hop polka and at others Spanish dance music) and there were "normal" women working on each machine. A pre programmed voice tells you when to move to the next station and every 8 minutes you check your heart rate.
So, in order to begin this program they weigh you (they don't care what weight you tell them you are), take all your measurments, check your body fat percentage and actually talk with you about your goals and health concerns. I have come to grips with the fact that I am not a small person...tonight I realized just how not small I am. It was a very humbling experience. I think when you are faced with the numbers I saw tonight you come to understand why they do this. It is one thing to know internally how much you weigh, how big your booty is. It is another to have it written down on a piece of paper, broken down by body part. It is scary. You don't realize how out of control it is until you look at a list of numbers that total more than your age.
So...I am going back tomorrow. I am taking the time out of my day to make time for my life. My needs. My health.
Besides it gives me an excuse to get off campus and drive Zoom Zoom.

Zoom Zoom

2004-10-22T10:12:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago Patrick's mom, Lois, drove up from NM to visit. She brought us chile, carne adovada and a new car. Yes...a new car.
It was a surprise for me, as she was originally going to bring up the "little truck" that I had been zipping around NM in for the last two years. She decided that the little truck had become too attached to it's life in NM and wouldn't do so well here in MI. She also thought that because it was an older truck (10 years), it might not handle the winters here in MI as well. So she asked Patrick if I still liked Toyota Rav4s, and when she found out I did, searched for the one she wanted. She found it in El Paso, TX. She flew down there and drove back to Santa Fe with it all in a day.
When she got here, she and Patrick came and got me and we went to her hotel to pick up "my truck" - I still thought that the little truck was what she drove out here in. We get to the hotel and I don't see the little truck, but figure it is probably parked around back. We all get out of Patrick's truck and Lois and Patrick are smiling - which makes me a little suspicious. Lois tells me (still smiling) that she isn't going to give me the little truck to drive - which makes me wonder why the hell she drove it all the way out here if she was flying back. She pulls out some keys and as she hands them to me says that instead she has brought me my new car. I look at her and can't really process what she is saying. So I ask her if this is a joke, because if it is, it isn't funny. She says no and points to a little tan Rav4 (that had been backed into the parking spot so that I wouldn't see the NM license plate). I look at Patrick, who is grinning from ear to ear, and I know that he has known about this all along. I go over to it and click the keyless entry and it unlocks. I couldn't believe it. Now, for the funny part. I have little to no voice - I had been squeaking all week. And so, now I am jumping up and down and I'm so excited and squeaking a whole lot. I sounded like a large rodent on speed. It was pretty funny.
The Rav4 is exactly what I would have picked for myself. I will try to post some pictures of it on here as soon as I can.
I call it "zoom zoom" because it isn't a truck or a car, and I am not one for saying "go get in the SUV". So Zoom Zoom it is.

Michigan voting

2004-10-20T13:15:00.000-04:00

I can't vote in Michigan. On September 13th, Patrick and I went to the Secretary of State Office (kind of like a DMV) to register to vote. After waiting in line for 30 minutes we are seen by a woman who, I think, wants to deal with us as much as she wants an enema. We hand her our NEW MEXICO driver licenses and explain why we are there. She takes the licenses asks what our Ann Arbor addresses are (and continuously tells me that I don't have a "real" address because it is a residence hall), hands them back to us and says we should receive our voter registration cards in the mail within three weeks.
Three weeks pass. Neither Patrick or I receive our voter registration cards.
I go to the Secretary of State website to find out where I am supposed to go to vote and (wonder of wonders) neither Patrick or I are registered voters in the state of Michigan. We are nowhere in their data base. I check the web site more thoroughly to find that my address on my driver license, by state law, has to match the address on my voter registration card. Keep in mind that the reasons that I didn't get a Michigan license were because: 1) my NM license is good for another 4 years, and 2) I can't establish in state residency in Michigan because I don't live in a "permanent" residence - which means that I cannot get in state tuition.
So, I try to call the office and of course, can't find a number that connects to anyone. So I email their "help line", explaining my situation. In the mean time I figure I HAVE to vote somewhere and I am still a registered voter in NM, so I send in for an absentee ballot for NM (which, as we all know, only has 5 electoral college votes as opposed to Michigan's 17). I get a response from the Secretary of State's office today telling me that it was a "clerical error" and I would have to come into their office to fix it. The same was true for Patrick.
I suppose that I could just go in and "fix" whatever clerical error they made and set up to vote here in Michigan. But, I am going to just file my absentee ballot with NM. It may be only 5 votes compared with Michigan's 17, but at least I will have voted.

Getting Started...

2004-10-19T16:26:00.000-04:00

It is currently fall break here at UMich. No one is around. Yay!
Yesterday Adam, Nate and I went to a pumpkin patch/apple orchard about 20 miles from here. As Nate said, "you haven't lived until you have gone pumpkin hunting with Adam...". It is like taking a 25 year old kid to a pumpkin patch and setting them loose. In a word...entertaining. The pumpkin patch looked like it had been through a war and lost-there were pumpkin corpses everywhere. Adam kept looking for the perfect one to bring home, love, and eventually butcher. He finally found one after much searching and it is now sitting between our offices surrounded by gourdes that he got from another apple orchard we went to today.
Adam's and my decision to seperate and work out of different offices is working out very well. We have our privacy and don't have to worry about how to schedule discipline or RA meetings so that they don't interfere with each other.
Patrick had his advanced nursing school interview on Friday and it went very well. He was charming and engaging and, he feels, he will really stand out when it comes to the selection process. Unfortunately, there are 125 candidates for 36 slots, but we think his chances are good.
Our seven year anniversary is November 5th. We haven't been able to spend our anniversary together for the last two years because of his position as a Field Secretary with FIJI. It will be nice to be with him for this year. The FIJI colony here in Michigan is being chartered that Saturday (the 6th) and it is a formal affair that I have to find a dress for. I am not good with "formal" attire. I hate looking for it, trying it on, and of course wearing it. Unfortunately for me, I have to find something that doesn't make me look like the hippo from Fantasia (the one in the pink tutu). There will be a lot of important people at this event and I have to look half way decent.
Joanie is pregnant again and is doing well. There was an initial scare this past week because an ultrasound turned up something that looked like a molar pregnancy. This is not a good thing.
If you go to the link it will tell you more about what a molar pregnancy is. http://my.webmd.com/hw/being_pregnant/hw165879.asp
Fortunately, it was a misdiagnosis and both mother and baby to be are fine.